I deserve better don't I?

[squishyduck]

Me and my partner have a pretty rocky relationship. Pretty much went down hill when I fell pregnant. Not the fact me being pregnant, (that's the best thing that's ever happened to me) but more, he got to do what he wanted, whenever he wanted.
He always stayed out drinking till ridiculous hours and I'd be up all night waiting, he put me through some shit but I always forgave

Fast forward some time, my babies now 5 months old... he still goes out till ridiculous hours ( he got in at 6am today) defo not cheating as he always shows who his with and where, however I always wait up for him I can't sleep without him... he comes home tells me I'm so miserable he can't stand me, told me he loves me but not in love with me, also my babies first Christmas I've planned our day he brought it up and said my perfect Christmas Day would be without you... 5 hours since he got home I've just gone down in the front room to take the duvet and he says no lay down with me I said (still crying) wtf?! You just said you don't love me he said " i do"
His a mind fuck isn't he? and walks all over me breaks my heart then tells me he didn't mean it? I feel like he loves having the power to crush me I need to leave him dont I? I'm sorry it's so long and boring I just need to rant and here people tell me what I need to hear

Sorry about the lack of grammar! I have a banging headache and I'm very tired!

Yep you deserve 100 % better.
But actually looking to the future it’s simply impossible for a child to thrive when their mother is being emotionally destroyed. So best to leave now before your child is damaged by this man and his immaturity and abusive ways.
He doesn’t exactly sound like the prize btw , sounds like a right useless arsehole.

And please please.
Let him have his perfect Christmas alone.
But yourself a bag of m&s food and a few bathbombs, stick a movie on, and enjoy your babies first Christmas without this wanker.
The memory will be beautiful . You’ll look upon the time you decided to reclaim your self respect and put yourself and your baby in first position .
That’s true Christmas magic !🎄

Absolutely you deserve better. I agree, leave asap and let him have his Christmas alone.

He's incredibly immature. You should not be up all night worrying about your partner.

Have you much support i.e. family/friends around you?

He is not got good for your or your little one and you’d be so much better off without him.
He sounds just plain nasty!

And also... presumably you slept alone before you met him? He’s out til 6am and you’re waiting up for him?!! This is totally insane. Good men with babies rarely stumble home at 6am. But learn to enjoy being braver. You and your baby can have adventures together, go places, travel, enjoy life.
Don’t tell yourself that you can’t sleep without this man because this is destructive bullshit.
It you can’t do it YET, you need to practice. Lots.

Thank you everyone... I have lots of support but stuck private renting and on maternity leave I will struggle to afford it on my own 🙁 council won't help me... no room at my mothers house... I don't know why I can't sleep without him, I can if his staying over at his mums ect but when I know his out and about I just have this worry that something might happen to him! Not that I should worry because I don't think he would worry about me!

Thanks all defo what I needed hear, I need to do it not only for me, but for my little girl also x

Anyone would deserve better OP, obviously.
He's a dickhead and he doesn't care about your feelings whatsoever. He's emotionally abusive. Why are you staying?

The not being able to sleep without him us a bit unusual OP, have you looked into codependence? The relationships sounds very very unhealthy. You don't need this person, you will adjust to sleeping without him- it's not like you actually have him anyway is it if he wishes you weren't there.

I'd be looking into how to make leaving a reality OP , and consider talking to your GP, calling womens aid or relate to discuss and access help.

This sounds very familiar.
Is he on the lease with the private rent?
Why won't the council help?
I feel for you, it must be hard. The obvious thing for everyone to say is leave him but that's harder than it sounds.
Do you ever socialise together? Or does he just do the socialising and you do parent duties?
Does he help with your baby?
Is he a good dad or does he behave as distant with the baby as he is with you?

It is hard . Really hard when you’re on maternity leave and have a tiny baby and you’re privately renting . But it isn’t impossible I don’t think... can you elaborate more about your circumstances perhaps so we can offer better advice about how to leave?

I wonder how you think he would react in this situation..
So if you went to him and said
"You’re clearly not happy and neither am I, so we should end the relationship. I think this should happen before Christmas. How do you think we can do this with minimal disruption to the little one?"
How would he respond do you think?
Aggressively? Fairly?

Council say giving up a secure tenancy is making myself internationally homeless... if I go back to my mums she could be making herself internally overcrowded which effects her tenancy.. council doesn't haven council properties all just mainly private rents only the few lucky get council property's... I asked for help paying the private rented place they said no go back to work full time.. however I just don't have the childcare

@Footballmumto3 I've told him let's just leave it here then... it's not fair to be having such tension around the baby he agrees but won't talk any further on the matter just says leave me alone 🙄

I'd have to take him of the tenancy to get any help from the council with paying the rent but if I take him off it gives up the tenancy for both of us then I'll be stuck with nowhere to go with a shitload of furniture 🙁 it's a really sticky situation

So similar to my situation which I'm trying my best to improve.
Advice left was great if you have the time to give it a read.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3744649-i-ve-got-the-right-hump

You definitely deserve better

@moannomoanyes just read your thread!

Definitely sounds like me 🙁

I hope you manage to get through it, its a bit crap isn't it 🙁💐

Where do you live? i could help with the rehoming part if in the right location?

' if I take him off it gives up the tenancy for both of us'

I'm not quite sure what you mean. You would be entitled to some help with housing costs for you then unless you have an ok income- you'd have to wait for it to come through but that's the way it goes, in an ideal world someone could lend you the money to cover the rent for a month or so until it comes through, if not your landlord would have to live with it (I'd personally keep quiet about claiming it, if your rent ends up late, just say you have some cash flow problems at the moment but it'll be sorted out soon. Landlords are used to it and are probably ok unless it happens with you frequently.

In the rare event your landlord decides to evict you for it, once you've gone through the eviction process you'd be eligible for council housing, as you wouldn't have made yourself intentionally homeless.

So, either way it'd be sorted in a few months. xxx

Please excuse all my typos etc :)

Yep you deserve better. And so does your child. What kind of man stays out till that time repeatedly when they’ve a new baby in the house. Provoking the mother into tears and then says oh I didn’t mean it when he knows he’s upset you.

Is it your house? Can you pack his shit and tell him to fuck off? You might find it hard but he needs to be shown that his actions are not on. It’s a joke and if my partner treated me like that then I’d have to ask him to leave, for my own self respect.

Does he take drugs?

If you have gone through a letting agency give them a call and see what the craic is with changing the tenancy to just you.

You can get help from the government as like a top up benefit as I know a few people who have claimed for this

It’s true though that many private landlords have it written into the contract that a change of circumstances to the tenancy agreement (housing benefit etc) would mean termination of contract.
Lots of private landlords won’t accept tenants in receipt of housing benefit so protect themselves against this sort of thing happening when a relationship breaks down. Have you read your contract?

Omg he’s AWFUL. Find your anger OP and fuck him off. Think of the example you want to set for your baby and the standards you would want for them. Lead by example. Easier said than done but totally possible. A whole new chapter awaits. He’s deadweight. What a loser he is. Rocking home at 6am in the week, leaving his dp and baby all night. Wtf!

Speak to Shelter about your housing options. england.shelter.org.uk/get_help