Feel so lonely after having baby, feel like partners leaving me behind

[dgl804]

I have a 9 week old baby, currently on mat leave. My partner works and he works hard through the week. My week is my baby, my weekends are my baby and my partner and I enjoy it. I'm a family person. My partner every couple of weeks will say I'm doing this on Saturday/Sunday with this person for an hour. It's innocent things but I feel like I wait all week for him and he just makes plans with other people. He's always had the edge over me with the social life. I've never really done much since being together with him.
I feel so lonely and sad and I don't know how to approach this situation. Do I tell him? Do I try to start doing things on my own at the weekends too? (even though it's not particularly what I want to do; but I do have friends and I could do this)
I feel really secluded like everyone else is living their own life, I'm still young and I don't feel I should be feeling like this

Overall I think he should be spending the majority of his time with your and your new baby. It should be exciting and new and challenging for both of you.
However, it's also healthy for both of you to have a little time of your own. Personally I think you should each have an hour or two each week with a friend or two while the other looks after your baby. So I think you do need to cultivate your friendships.
If you have a nice kind partner and good relationship you really sound be able to talk openly with him about your feelings. Can you?

@pog100 if I brought it up, it would probably cause an argument. He tends to think I'm criticising him if I do bring things up so it doesn't go down well.
I do agree with you. I just feel sometimes he would drop us over it. Last weekend I reminded him we already had plans the day he wanted to do something and there was a lot of huffing and puffing and moaning.

If it’s just for an hour or so, and he spends most of the weekend with you and the baby, then I think that sounds fine. I agree with a pp that it’s healthy to have friends and interests outside a marriage. It’s fine too if you don’t want that OP - but can you think of anything or anyone you would like to see or do, not to ‘get even’ with him but for your own mental wellbeing? Maybe something you’ve missed doing since having the baby?

You shouldn't be feeling like this OP. Most people with a young baby would absolutely kill to have some "me" time now and then to see their own friends or follow their own interests. It doesn't mean you love your child any less. I've never been a hugely social person but when mine were little I couldn't wait to get my bit of time off so I could get away and do something like sit in a café with a book and a cuppa for an hour. What things are you interested in? Do you have hobbies or did you have them in the past? What are your relationships like with your own friends and family?

Do I try to start doing things on my own at the weekends too? (even though it's not particularly what I want to do; but I do have friends and I could do this)

If you (understandably) don’t feel ready to be out and about can you not invite your friends to your home, to entertain you and to get to know your baby?

It is very easy for friendships to fall by the wayside when something more urgent comes along - if you make the effort now it may stand you in good stead if you should need your friends in the future.

Once you’ve re-established a supportive network beyond your relationship you’ll feel in a stronger position all round.

Sorry didn't word that particularly well. What I meant is that I don't think it's healthy to feel like this, not that your not entitled to be experiencing these feelings if that makes sense? x

Thankyou all. I'm not feeling the best as it is at the minute anyway, insecure after the baby etc. I've found a lot of my friends and family once the baby was over a couple of weeks old, have dwindled away. I have sent txts etc that have been ignored. I totally get that's what happens and it's fine. It's not that I don't want to go out, I just enjoy being in my own bubble. I get out and about with the baby in the week on my own so I do spend sone time out of the house. I do miss my work relationships (not actual work itself ) but I'm friends with a lot of people I work with and then relationships have also dwindled off and have been ignored if I've tried to communicate. I rely heavily on my home life as my little family is my life.

I'm aware this sound pathetic, but if I went out I'd be looking forward to coming back. I think a lot of that is insecurities maybe

I think becoming a new mum is a very vulnerable time. Before I became a mum all my friends were either colleagues or old uni mates who lived miles away. I had relocated to London for work. After bubba was born I had to make a whole new social life. Now all my friends are mums who I have met through baby/toddler groups or at the school gates.

I’m not going to lie the first year was tough then once bubba became fully mobile and we could go to toddler group things picked up.

I didn’t go back to work though until youngest was 2, so i didn’t really have a choice.

Being a new mum is extremely lonely.

Maybe talk to your dp about it but try not to make it sound like you resent him having an hour or so with his friends.