When your dh doesn’t want to have sex

[Passthebubbly]

In a nutshell. He will make any excuse In the world rather than have sex with me.
Going on the best part of 2 years now probably more. Have had enough.

He would do it twice a year If had too. He is 43 and me 44. I think we should both be at an age where we should be enjoying each other. I ask him what’s wrong and he just says we will do it later but that never comes.

Is he affectionate in other ways OP or generally distant?

Has he totally disconnected from you or is it just a 'sex' issue?

Might he have erectile dysfunction?

Affection in a kiss on cheek as normal when he leaves and comes home. Kisses when he comes to bed after me have stopped too.

No dysfunction x

Have you tried asking him

Why does he say he doesn't want it? After this amount of time I'd assume you've talked about it. How do those conversations go?

I totally feel for you my partner is the same. Just no interest in having sex. With that being said I’m heavily pregnant so I don’t feel like it anyway but prior to this he had no interest in it and it is shit. Made me feel undesired and basically not good enough but I know he watches porn which use to really piss me off.

Is he a porn user? Does he take any medication (anti depressants) as this can affect his libido

It sounds like there's some distance between you and a reduction in affection/intimacy in other ways. It's fairly common for sex to dip if the overall affection/intimacy has dipped a bit.

My gut instinct is there's a conversation to be had about how you're both feeling in the relationship without discussing sex as it could be differing sex drives, but it sounds more like lack of sex is a symptom of something else.

Why don’t you offer him a massage, or give him a foot rub? Could you take on more of the chores or take the kids out to give him some free time?

Sorry op I couldn’t resist. A sexless marriage is miserable and will chip away at your happiness and self esteem. I know all too well as sex with my husband was too infrequent for my liking. Luckily DH took my feelings and hurt seriously and visited his gp. He’s now on treatment for low testosterone and things have greatly improved. I couldn’t live in a sexless marriage, so if he won’t talk to you about the issue, you may need to question whether you can live the rest of your life like this.

All the best.

I agree - it sounds like you need a proper conversation or you'll quickly start resenting him.

Sorry to mention it, but sometimes the problem is an affair.

DBML For a second I honestly thought you were being serious at the start .
I need a coffee.

DBML that did make me laugh!

We have talked about it and he just says brushes it off really and then we go on like the conversation has never happened. I feel loved in other ways, very much so and I love the bones of him. I just think he has gone off me in a sexual way. He says he hasn’t but he clearly has. It is soul destroying and I’m pretty sure if I didn’t make the move ever it just wouldn’t happen again.