Funny/disastrous date thread

[Monsoonx]

Apologies if this has already been done, I know a lot of us have been on bad dates which have left us disheartened, but I thought it may be nice to make a light-hearted thread about some of the funny experiences we have had.

I think mine was someone I met on a night out. Early in the date he announced, "oh by the way, I'm moving to Australia next month." and then halfway through told me that he had 'forgotten' to pay for a belt the previous day and could we go pay for it, so we had to get the bus to some shop so he could do. On the way, he seemed to know EVERYONE so we had to keep stopping every minute.
Decided I didn't fancy seeing him again, and after 2 weeks of no news he randomly texted me : "Do you prefer classical or hip hop?"

Would love to hear other people's stories !

Love these.

My friend is currently on OLD and has had a Man send her a ‘dick pic’ in it he is lying on his bed which is covered in stains and in the background is piles and piles of clothes and random junk. Like a total shit tip bedroom. It is shocking.
Like sometting off a Chanel 4 doc about extreme hoarders.

Needless to say he didn’t get a reply from her!

I had some cocky bloke who the very first time round told me to 'sit on his face' and then cockily said, "is that out of your comfort zone" 🙄
Boasted about how his 'first time' consisted of anal and how he had once done it with a girl on a balcony.

I’ve posted about this before. It was in the days before the internet was a thing, I think it was a small ad in a newspaper, or maybe teletext dating, not sure.

Anyway, we met outside the local park. He was waiting for me in his car. He looked me up and down and said “you’ll do, fancy a shag?” Somehow I managed to resist this tempting offer, and suggested that perhaps we could have a drink in the nearby pub to get to know each other.

He refused, apparently he’d once been in a pub without drinking and it was so shit he swore he’d never again set foot in one unless he could get smashed, and today he was driving. His suggestion was that we could just go into the park and shag, after all what better way to get to know someone.

At this point I ran for the hills. Literally. Luckily I was distance runner at the time, so I took a slight diversion via the next but one town before going home to make sure he hadn’t followed me. (Ok, slight exaggeration, but you get the picture)

There was a message waiting for me on my dating account when I arrived home. He was prepared to give me a second chance provided I would get “fruity” (yes those were his exact words) next time.

Unfortunately, I realised I was busy every day for the rest of my life so couldn’t take him up on his offer.

@Timeforchange0 that's gross, imagine getting into bed with him 🤢🤢
This male 'friend' of mine was ranting to me because the girl he actually had feelings for had slept with another guy. Then in the same conversation (and knowing I had had feelings for him) announced to me that he would like to send me a picture of his mirco penis.
I told him I wasn't there was as some sort of 'reassurance' to boost his fragile little ego because of the girl.
Not a date but just a twunt 😂

@aposterhasnoname 'prepared to give you a second chance', wow, I'm sure you were so grateful for it 🙄😂🏃‍♀️
Damn right, much better things to do like watch paint dry, stick pins in your eyes, etc..

And the prize goes to @Aposterhasnoname

I have a hyphenated first name and one OLD dude asked in person if I could choose one or the other name as it was ‘exhausting’ and ‘excessive’...

When I was dating I used to take them for long walks on the first date to make sure they were fit and not totally idle. One slightly chubby guy had struggled with the last mile so I took him back to my house for a sit down and a feed. He asked for a second date and I said no, we don't really suit. He got really angry and said that he had been looking forward to moving in to my house with me.

Ok I’m back from a normal good date but will elaborate on the others. Tonight’s date was lovely but the bar man was a complete sleaze

Met guy on POF. I could see he was a bit of a geezer but back then I liked that. Met in pub summer evening. I wore very light pink jeans, sandals and a white top. He immediately asked me why I was wearing ‘jogging bottoms’. Then proceeded to tell he has 2 phones and adds girls to WA on the number they don’t have, so they can never see him online But he can see them. Then launches in to confessing he was homeless so living on a friends boat that had no electricity. As I was trying to escape the date, he told me that his pet ferret was in his car (it lived in a cage in the back) and would I like to see it. I peered through the window of this very filthy car and could smell the rancid ferret smell. He continued to try to text me for a few weeks I eventually blocked him

Psychology guy - was doing an optional GCSE psychology via adult learning. Spoke to me for 29 mins then spent another 29 mins telling me all about my psychological flaws. He then confessed he still loved his ex. I pretended to get a phone call went outside and ran away all the way home

Bored man - couldn’t be bothered to look at me or make conversation. I asked him if he wanted to go home, said it was fine he could go. He said no he would stay until closing time. I just left him there

I dated a guy for a while who I discovered had very green toenails. All of them. So dumped him

Dated a guy who liked to wear my pants with my vibrator stuffed down the front - was awful in bed

Cue some very disturbing but comical pictures in my mind

I mean the vibrator in frilly knickers worn by a big hairy bloke

I mean I didn’t begrudge him that it probably did feel nice but it wasn’t the prettiest sight

@Peanutbuttermouth omg that might be the most cringe sex sentence I’ve ever read 😱

Many years ago I went on a date with a guy I met at a party. He was literally the life and soul of the party, I thought it was going to be great to meet him again. We went out for dinner and ended up sat pretty much next to my ex boyfriends parents and siblings who happened to be out having dinner. Which was awkward. Date didn’t really like anything on the (extensive) menu. We then went on to a pub where my date started randomly crying and telling me how depressed he was. It wasn’t a great evening.

Was very much in list with best friends cousin in my late teens, date is duly organised and I spent the day tarting myself up- hair, tan, nails, new outfit.

As I get into his car there’s a tickle on my neck below my ear. I slap at it thinking it’s a spider. It wasn’t a spider.
It was a bloody big wasp which stung my face and neck twice before I managed to discreetly squash it on the car window. I was completely silent when I was stung as well, it just happened so quickly I didn’t have time to say anything.
Being an absolute dickhead I was too embarrassed to say anything afterwards and he was driving so didn’t notice...

Until he ended up sat opposite the elephant man at the restaurant. My face and eye had swelled massively and I was struggling to move my mouth.

He promptly dropped me off at the walk in centre and decided we were better off as friends.

In hindsight the wasp probably did me a favour.

I dated a micropenis, too!

I did actually ask him if it was in yet. lol

Oh goodness, these stories are mad ! Such awkward moments 😂🤦‍♀️ I had another one which didn't even make it to a date. He was a model and i'd always fancied him but being young and lacking in confidence thought he was 'out of my league'. Anyway, we got back in touch last year on Tinder.
It seemed promising until he suddenly announced that he 'probably wasn't what I was looking for' because he wanted a 'female-led relationship'.
I politely declined and he seemed to take it well and carried on messaging.
A week later, he asked me if we were still going for a drink and I said I would, but made it clear I only wanted friendship.
He seemed to take this very badly, probably horrified that someone would reject HIM, told me 'lol, no thanks. You're so fucking weird, bye.' and blocked me. Lucky escape 😂

In the days long before OLD I was set up on a blind date by a friend of a friend.Lovely good looking guy, lovely evening. He walked me home and we had a good night kiss which got a little passionate. I then discovered that he was wearing undies which were more frilly than my own. I was young and quite naive at the time and said nothing and neither did he. I didn't know that this was a thing at the time. It was our only date