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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone slap me

5 replies

Loladoodle · 20/11/2019 14:17

The short version is...
I am divorced following a long relationship/marriage whereby I found out my husband was leading a double life and having an affair for a large part of the marriage. We have two children. It was not the most perfect relationship but what happened was so unexpected and shocking. I do believe it has left some trauma for me in relation to how I respond to things now.

I have been in a new relationship for a year, this man could not do enough for me and my children. He helps around the house, always puts us all first and is the most selfless person I’ve ever come across. He is smart, successful, a little bit younger and attractive. Yet I feel myself being emotionally cold towards him quite often and Although I am aware of it I don’t seem to be able to stop it from happening. I feel as though I am taking him for granted but don’t know how to stop.

So as I say..... slap me please...

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 20/11/2019 14:28

I'm not gonna slap you OP.
I shall remain happily single for many years yet, thanks to being screwed over royally by men!
So what do you need to do about this?
Have you had counselling or therapy?
Have you discussed this with him?
Have you acknowledged to him that you realise you can be cold?
Can he call you out on it when you do it, so you know?
I totally understand why you are this way. Maybe he accepts that and is OK with it?

Loladoodle · 20/11/2019 14:59

Thanks for the reply hells bells
I have had counselling and have done a lot of self help too. I don’t have any jealousy issues or trust issues despite what happened to me so I am thankful for that.
He does call me out when I’m cold but I feel I can’t change it- it just gradually shifts itself- sometimes I feel it’s very related to hormones- pre period I feel I don’t want him near me but once it comes I’m seeing him for the amazing guy he is!
He does seem to mostly accept it as part of me- but it makes me frustrated that I know I do it but can’t stop it. Maybe it’s just part of my personality - I would be like this kindof anyway. But I also feel I am self destructing now that I have a guy that if you put down on paper everything you would want he’s it! And I Am so lucky to have that- I don’t want to not have that again. But here I am, not feeling like chatting to him in the evenings or being affectionate as he would like. It bothers me so much that when I was on my own I longed for these things and felt so so lonely- painfully so!!! Maybe I got used to being on my own ... I don’t know... it just worries me because if I were him I’d be outa here!

OP posts:
Loladoodle · 20/11/2019 15:10

Also... my period is late.... STRESS!!!!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 20/11/2019 15:14

Oh no - how soon can you do a test?
Is it also worth looking into other contraception that might help?
I have the implant and love it.
No periods - no mood swings.
But it's different for everyone!

Loladoodle · 20/11/2019 15:45

I’m on the pill- probably not helping my mood. I’ve missed a couple this month 🙈but having taken a long time to conceive previously I did not think a couple missed pills would result in pregnancy. Have ordered a test it will arrive tomorrow 🙈 can’t get out today as little one is sick so just ordered online with my shopping. It’s not the ideal time for us but what will be will be!

How long has your man hiatus been? I’m proof there are good guys out there (whether I am deserving is another thing)

OP posts:
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