MIL Problem.............. Do I need to get perspective???? (This may be long!!)

[ArghInLaws]

I have namechanged for this as my DH knows my other nick name!!!!

I dont know if I need to get perspective on this or not, so I turn to the wonderfull world that is MN for adice and help.

MIL and I have a relatively (sp?) good relationship, we have had our ups and downs (as have most) but for the most part we do tend to get on, generally!!!!
MIL does however complain very loudly that we (Meaning Me) do not involve her in anything in our lives.
Although she came with me and my mum (DH is an only child so she would never have gotten to do it) to choose my wedding dress, she had a (albeit small) say in the wedding. I also invited her on my hen night, and she came. She never once thanked me

MIL is signed off work indefinatley at the moment due to an operation she had about 8 weeks ago. She is ok to do most things just not walk.

DH and I have booked a 4D scan and I am really excited, I have asked my mum and dad if they would like to come and both have said yes. I asked DH if MIL would also like to come (So that we are involving her), and DH has said he would ask her.

I've just got a text off DH to say that she is thinking of going back to work so probably wont be able to make it
She has said she will let us know!!!!

I rang DH and said that I am a little shocked as I thought seeing a 4D scan of her first grandchild would be more important to her than going back to work, especially since she doesn't have to go back!!!!

TBH is has really upset me and pi**ed me off (more than I have expected it to) I can tell DH is upset and that makes me with her.

I suppose my question is, am I right to be angry with her, and should I say something, not something argumentitve but just to let her know how much she has upset DH and how angry I am.

Or should I just get a grip and some perspective????

Sorry it is so long!!!!

I don't blame you for being upset. She wants to be involved, complains if she isn't and then refuses an invite to somethins so exciting. Don't give it another thought and enjoy the scan!

Thanks to all of you who think that I am not being so unreasonable So I'm not totaly wrong to be upset, maybe angry was the wrong word to use!!

I'm glad that someone can see where I am comming from. I've decided not to say anything and to put it to the back of my mind. I wont mention it again now and will probably invite someone else, I know my Nana would like to go, now that there is a space. I'll leave it till Thursday and see if MIL changes her mind and if not I think I will invite my Nana.

oh dear TBh you sound a bit precious - copy of the DVD (dearie me) what are you going to be like when this baby is born

Ah, sorry I got it wrong about your scans. Again, I think she made the decision to go back to work way before your scan date. More of an unfortunate circumstance than a deliberate attempt to get back at you and DH, unless you suspect otherwise.

Oooh McDoodle, I certainly dont mean to come across as precious, just thought it would be nice for all grandparents, MIL included to be able to have a copy of the DVD!!

You are the voice of reason greenday, your probably right, I must admit I can see now that maybe I was a bit hasty in my response to the situation. But I still feel a bit upset, that she moans we dont involve her and then says no to this!!

My MIL kinda grimaces when I order copies of school photos for her - she just makes cheap (crappy IMO) scanned copies - you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment if you expect everyone else to be as excited as you about your baby - really no offense just experience - doesn't mean they love it any less

ah MD, but didn't we all, in the past, do something abit OTT during our first pregnancy? Make a model-cast of our bump, etc?
I, for one, took photos of myself monthly, detailing my bump growth and such. Now that I am expecting my 2nd one, I can count the number of photos I've taken with 1 hand. I remember too expecting more attention just because I was pregnant. How all these memories make me cringe now.

Ahh I see where you are coming from Macdoodle , I certainly dont expect everyone to be as excited as me about the pregnancy and I completely understand that to everyone else baby is still just a bump and obviuosly I am the closest to baby at this point in time. She keeps saying she wants to be involved then says no to us when we do invlove her .
I just dont know what to do to make her happy!!

LOL at greenday, and OMG that is soooo me!! Good god myabe I am being too precious

imo you were trying to make a point, as if to say, right, you are now invloved. She has made a point by not being immediately available. Games really.

Do you honestly want her there? Do you think that she's just making a drama out of it. sorry, but I know of people like this, and i think she's point scoring.

Just my opinion.

IMO, its OK to be too precious in the beginning. We all have to go through that process so that we can laugh at ourselves and of couse, snigger at the 'newcomers' of parenthood. Tehe!

The 4th dimension is time, so 3D would be a three dimensional picture, 4D is a 3D picture that moves. Does that make sense?

PG, I do want her there, but as I have said before more for DH than for me.
OOh, such a different perspective I dont know if she is trying to make a drama out of it, maybe she is, I honestly didn't see it that way. I wonder!!

Thank You BellaBear, I can now tell DH what 4D is, he keeps saying, I just dont know how it can be 4D!!!!

LOL greenday, I'm so glad it's not just me!!
I hate to think I have been boring people
I'm cringing now when I think I have been a bit precious!!!!

well my perspective was becuase many people i have had to deal with are quite self obsessed and great with the guilt trips. My thought was because you seem to have issues and have told us about not being thanked before, so this obviously all a big deal, about asking her to be there, and in a way being told she might not be able to.

Its hurt you, but maybe thats all it is I dont know.

I'm guess i'm not much of people truster. Or mean, maybe both!!!