Being first reserve in group of friends...

[resipsa]

I know it's both pathetic and petty at my age but I can't get past being the person who is invited because someone else already said no. Within the same group, it's happened twice this week for future events. I get the text/message of invitation that shows there has already been contact amongst the others about dates, location etc. One of the group is notably absent from the list of attendees. Yes, it's nice to be asked but it'd be nicer to be first choice once! Does this happen to anyone else and, if yes, how do you react? Happily accept or pettily say no thanks? I should do the first but am drawn to the second.

That does sound quite mean of them.
I'd reply yes you can go - but wait til next day so you don't appear desperate, if that makes any sense.

And then just focus to enjoy the night out. Other folk won't have been invited at all probably.

You're right, of course, I should just go and enjoy but...I think it's exacerbated by the fact that one of the group is the newcomer whom I knew first and who since has gone on to cultivate closer relationships with the others than with me (a Wendy?) despite my having known and been closer to them previously. She is the drive behind both events. I need to grow up but it gives me the rage!

Why did you introduce newcomer to your friends??!! Never do that! Unless you’ve known that person for several years and have a trust between you. She’s organising events and not inviting you first! That’s a Wendy. Don’t let her push you out. Go to the events and use that time to focus on your friends. You also need to be doing the same back. Start organising. She’s last reserve. Time to hunker down and start playing this bitch. Do not react. Be cold and polite to her but you adore the rest. She’s after your spot. I know this because this exact same thing happened to me.

Gosh @fit4more that sounds exhausting.

I'm not saying you're wrong but in that situation I think I'd be more inclined to withdraw and concentrate on making other friends.

Yeah I never introduce a solo friend into another friendship group. Wendy she is...

Also get new friends. How childish they are.

Group friendships are a bit of a nightmare in my experience. Can be like a dysfunctional family with queen bees jostling for top spot with satellites going in and out of favour. Doesn't feel good to be the one on the outer edge. I would disengage and let them get on with it. Too much energy to compete. Go if you fancy a night out but don't overthink it. One on one so less complicated.

Thanks for replying to my rant!

I think this is the way forward:

Go if you fancy a night out but don't overthink it.