Am I right to have ended things?

[Smallnmighty]

I'll try and keep this brief, just after some reassurance really.
So, been with my other half almost 5 years. I'm divorced and have a teenager who lives with me, he's not got children and not ever married. First year we were long distance, lots of quality time EOW when my teen was with their dad etc. Then I got a work opportunity nearer my other half and decided to move closer, but neither of us felt ready to live together.

We'd talked loosely about the future and getting married but whenever it came to a 'so, where's this going' conversation he ALWAYS avoided it, and talked about various obstacles we had to sort out first.

So I'd wait..we'd have the conversation again (always instigated by me) and different reasons why we aren't ready would be given.

I think the conversation has been broached about annually, maybe a bit more, and always ended in an argument.

Eventually it came to a head as I'd got fed-up feeling like I was jumping through hoops and just not quite making it and so I ended things.

He didn't understand as he was quite happy with things as they were, but I felt like I was living two half-lives, as the habit we'd got into was me going to his and staying each weekend and us not really seeing much of each other through the week (my teen is older, 16+ so old enough to have the weekends alone, but I wasn't totally happy with this, felt too guilty and it just didn't feel right every weekend).

I suppose I feel resentful that the 'happily ever after..' had been talked about in the early days but avoided thereafter.

I've done the right thing haven't I? F someone can't even TALK about living together/marrying without getting defensive and panicked, it's not going to happen is it?

I miss him a lot, we got on really well, but I just don't want half a relationship.

Thanks for reading this far. Reassurance welcome - or not, maybe you can see it from his point of view and can help me understand.

You werent happy. It wasnr going down the route you wanted it to so yes, you are right.

It's odd that you say 'we' werent ready all the way along. But it sounds like you were ready from when you relocated.

It sounds like he didnt think about your son and to some degree you put your ex first. As a teen being alone is nice, but every weekend? Surely you wanted sometime with your ds, where you werenr working or he didnt have school/college? It doesnt sound like you were happy doing that. Teen still need their parents, even if it's just both pottering around the same house.

It sounds like you werenr happy with a poor fo it, but just carried in anyway. Maybe that with thinking about, before you embark on another relationship.

I do apologise if you think I crossed the line with my comments. Just making honest observations.

Yes you did the right thing. 5 years is a LONG time to spend with someone without getting the commitment you want (and had already been discussed). You're obviously both on completely different pages and it sounds like he's been leading you on a bit too to be honest. Sounds like he was having his cake and eating it. You deserve someone who will give you 100%.

Were you even involved in each other's lives other than every other weekend? Family events? Out with friends etc?

You were unhappy enough to end it so why the doubt?

Yes you were right as you were unhappy

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.

MsRomanoff - you've not said anything I hadn't already thought (and beaten myself up about). It was only in the last couple of months we got into the habit of me going to his all weekend (I stayed at mine before that, just went out during the day/evening), and it didn't sit right with me at all, so I'm glad things have ended in that respect (my son and I get on really well and love hanging out). My son and my ex got on well too, in a matey kind of way and we'd spend time all three of us doing stuff together.

Whatsnewpussyhat - kind of involved in each other's lives, had mutual friends, I saw his family, the three of us hung out, that kind of thing.

Yeah, I was right to end it, I know that. I did most of the compromising/accommodating to suit his needs and that's not right. I think he has led me on, the happily ever after carrot was dangled in front of me for too long.

Thanks again, I can't talk to anyone in real life about any of this and it has helped to get impartial opinions.