I'm in a dilemma...

[Hele91]

So I met a guy a while ago on a night out. He was absolutely lovely, really sweet and shy, just my type. We hit it off and were talking for over an hour, I had to leave and get my taxi home else I'd probably have chatted to him all night. I added him on Facebook the next day (which I felt a bit weird about doing but just bit the bullet?) he accepted and liked a couple of my photos but nothing else happened. I debated messaging him but I didn't want to come across as needy.
He had mentioned whilst we were chatting that I was too young for him I am 24 and he was 33 with children from a previous relationship, he was very honest about this from the get go. I hadn't heard from him so decided to leave it, although I thought about him every now and then and actually saw him in town a couple of times (he always said hello and waved).

I have met someone else (about 7 months later), he is really nice and sweet but I can't stop thinking about the first guy. What on earth do I do?? There is nothing wrong with the 'new' guy, my family have met him and think he's lovely, he's got a good job and is very... nice. However, I just have this niggling feeling that I have missed out on something that could have been great?? I just need someone to be honest with me as I feel that I am being too hasty...

It isn’t an either / or situation - the first man isn’t interested in a relationship with you and it sounds like you’re just not into the man you’re currently seeing (and that’s absolutely fine: ou don’t have to pursue a relationship with somebody just because they’re nice and kind and stable and you feel they should be what you want.)

It doesn’t sound like you “missed out” on anything with man one. He told you he liked you but felt that your circumstances were too different to want to date you. You tried to show him you were interested again on social media and he showed through lack of meaningful response again that he didn’t want to date you. There was nothing to “miss out” on.

It wasn’t meant to be with the first guy. If he was interested he would have messaged you. He said you were too young and he obviously meant it. These thoughts might be more to do with questioning your current relationship, maybe you have doubts about?

Do you want to be a step-mum???? To 'children' - plural!!
Do you want to date someone who is at a completely different stage in his life to you?
You talked for 1 hour!
Just stop over thinking this!
You like the new guy.
Give him a go.
If the other one wanted to see you then he would have contacted you.
He didn't!
Accept that and move on.

Are you in a relationship with the new buy or is it casual? If you're in a relationship sorry you need to break it off, at this stage he should be all you can think about. You dont sound into him. If you're still getting to know him and have only been on a few dates maybe that's different.

I'm going to go against the other posters and say contact the older guy again. He was trying to warn you he is in a different life stage and has got kids etc so could have just left the ball in your court. He is probably wary of pursuing things with someone much younger given his circumstances and thinking it's not what you want. If you've really been thinking about him all this time and you only see him infrequently then I dont really see what you have to lose. I'd message him (obviously finish with other guy first if it's more than casual dating). Just a simple 'hey, I know it's been a long time since we met but I remember it being a nice chat, do you fancy meeting for a drink sometime'. If he says no then that's fine, you've not declared your undying love, you dont have to see him daily in the office or anything. He obviously made a big impression on you so unless lots of people make similar impressions on you, youd be silly to ignore it

You aren't listening to what the first guy said - you are too young for him. He's seen you several times and waved, not tried to start something. I think you need to respect what he said.

Possibly something is missing in your current relationship. Is 'nice' what you want?

Maybe you need to think about whether or not your current relationship is worth pursuing.

It's very casual with the new guy, he met my parents by accident as they stopped by my house as he came to pick me up but they seemed to like him which was good.

I think you are all completely right though, he is clearly at another point in his life! I hadn't even thought of it that way as I don't see myself as that much younger. He did not say that me being younger was a problem either, he said I was too young for him and I would get bored of his life, which is fair enough. I think that he was fishing for me to argue this but I left it at that.

The new guy is really lovely but as I said it is still very casual, we see each other perhaps once a week and text occasionally, I'm not one to get too clingy which is why I was so shocked about thinking of the other guy.

I'm just going to push him to the back of my mind and perhaps cool things off with the new guy, clearly neither is what I want...