Accept this is the end?

[Logsn2024]

I’ve been married 11 years and together for 20 years, two dc’s 9 & 5.

He has always had a temper and very strong opinions. Between the ages of 20 and 30 I was very over weight with a lack of confidence yet he stayed with me and made me ‘happy’ and I was grateful. After the 2nd dc I lost a lot of weight. My confidence has gone back to the person I used to be, I have a lot of friends including men and like a social life. He however can’t understand that and wants to just be with me all the time.
The rows are endless, Everytime I want to go out I have to walk on eggshells and it’s a nightmare. If I talk to any friends on Facebook he stalks them and wants to know who they are. I have a few male friends I have known a few years who I see at the gym, he is particularly paranoid about them even though they have wives and he has met them. It’s been like this for 3 years now. I’m not really sure I can carry on with life like this anymore. Do I put up with it because of the children? Am I being unreasonable to want a life outside of our marriage?

Only you can know what you are willing to tolerate. It's clearly an unhealthy relationship. You sound indebted to him because he stayed with you when you are overweight. Is that a possibility?

He won't change unless he wants to. Are you prepared to walk on eggshells and/or deny yourself the life you want to keep him happy?

Have you sacrificed parts of your relationship for the 'new' you or do you and DH still do all the things together that you'd do before?

I just wonder if he feels like you've pushed him away now that you have a bit of confidence. Not that that's an excuse, at all, for his behaviour.

If you do stay with him "because of the children" you are showing them how men should behave and what women should tolerate.