Pretty sure its over.... What do I do, Where do I go

[julezboo]

Dont know how to change my name so not gonna bother.

Pretty sure its over with me and DP. (He is my 3rd long term relationship in 6 years)

I had DS (5) by my first, ,then a horrible horrible man after him, then I met DP, he is a wonderful man despite his flaw and I am so heart broken. We have a DS (6mnths) together, just bought a house and now Im totally at a loss.

I cant help thinking its me, I drive them away.

DP cant trust me, he is convinced I fancy his best mate, he is convinced I am gonna cheat on him. And I know you'll all probably think Ive done something to make him feel this way and no ones gonna believe me when I say I havnt.

eg of my day
8am, leave house take DP to work, drop DS off at school, come home.

Apart from the odd meet up with a few female friends and their kids Im pretty much home all day.

3pm, pick up DS from school, go home feed baby then head out the door at 4pm to pick DP up from work. I dont go anywhere, not on my own anyway.

His best friend, is one of my best friends husband, whenever I see him, we are all there together. I dont get anytime on my own none what so ever! Yet he is convinced Im gonna meet someone else and fall in love then move on away from him. I love him with all my heart, I cant bare the thought of losing him.

He gets moody for silly reasons, I am pretty sure he is depressed, but when i did finally get him to the docs, the gp was very dissmissive and told him he had insecuurities in his relationship and gave him a number of a councellor. Which DP still hasnt rung.

Last night for eg, he got a text, i did the usual, who was it, anything important, and he said jokingly "its none of your business" which I admit got me suspicious. He was on msn chatting to friends and he said he couldnt be bothered to relay the text to me and if i wanted to know to go and get the phone and read it. My reply was, but you can be bother sitting there chatting to people on msn. He got in a hump with me, hardly said two words before we went to sleep.

Yet this morning he was all over me, lovely and sweet, came as a bit of a shock tbh, I dont know where I am. One minute he hates me the next he acts like Im the only person on this earth.

Our friends have offered to take the kids for a night this weekend so we can have some time together, but he doesnt wanna do anything says its always awkward between us. I was looking forward to it. Time alone. AF has just gone... I was actually looking into hotels and restaurants in a town near us for the night when he told me.

They way he told me it was like he cant be bothered to fix things between us so whats the point.

I suggested we call it a day, Ill go council and find somewhere for me n the kids or at least get us on the list. He didnt argue, said i could have the house but tbh Im not working havnt for 6 years almost (sahm) I wouldnt be able to afford the mortgage.

Im gonna be alone again. I am lot and dont know what to do.

hi julez, sorry i think more effort needs to be made before you call it a day tbh. Your arguments seem very minor in comparisom to some.

If your friends are still willing to have your kids, arrange it anyway, then say to your DP 'we ARE going out, we ARE gonna talk and we ARE gonna sort this'....

It's worth one last try rather than oh he doesn't trust me it's over.......he was on MSN for heavens sake....ime people accusing others of infidelity when they have no grounds for it are far from guilt free themselves....

give it a try and let us know how it goes

Goodness me

If you give up that easily I'm not surprised you "drive them away" - lengthy relationships don't just happen, they take time and effort and committment, especially when things are not going so well!

Talk to him, find out why he is so posessive and jealous - maybe someone has hurt him in the past and he needs to talk about it to get over it (to you or a professional).

Fio - so wise

but then what do i know

He sound insecure to me and its not you i myself have a coupke of broken relationships a insecure man will just screw you up and its depressing. Why dont you look at childminding or workig part time and using tax credit as a top up i took over the house a couple of years ago it all seems very daunting but it can be done, work out what you want not him go for it girl and good luck

I know you might not want to hear this but i would instantly think he has someone else. Him accusing you could be him throwing off the scent that he has. Why is he hiding text messages and chatting on MSN, he has something to hide. I think he is trying to make you end it so he doesnt look bad.

If I were you id get a job, get finanically secure and go it alone.

Oh, Julezboo, I don't have any answers ( I wouldn't listen to me, even if I did!!)But I'm thinking of you. I hope you make it work out, if that's what you want.

Thanks all

Fio - I wasnt suggesting leaving him, to me thats what it seems he want but doesnt have the balls to do it.

I have worked on it, Ive talked until Im blue in the face, I just feel like I can't breath! I am constantly having to explain myself. He nags about everything and anything but in a horrid sarcastic way. He speaks to me like Im a child all the time.

We talked last night, he is gonna go see a therapist to try and stop his jealous and angry behaviour, His last girlf cheated on him and he had an awful upbringing, dad beating him and his mum. His mum is a bit messed up in the head and its rubbed off on him which is not surprising.

When I talk to him I just get "Im a selfish arrogant cunt, thats me, no one can change that so its up to you whether you live with it or move on".

Its like he doesnt want to make things better. He always moans we dont have enough sex, thats I never kiss and cuddle him enough, but when I do make the effort he jumps nervously and moves away, so what? Do I keep trying and getting rejected everytime, because thats not gonna do great for my self esteme.

I do understand where you are all coming from, our problems are nothing compared to others but they do drag me down, we go over the same thing again and again.

I honestly dont think he has anyone else. He chats on msn, but I have spoken to these people on msn. He just winds me up alot by joking about this kind of stuff. I can't understand why he does it, if he knows how bad it feels forhim to be jealous and insecure why is he trying to make me feel the same way?

I had a girls night out 5 weeks ago, it was the first time out since I have been with him. We have had lots of problems with recurrent mc, probs with him mum and moving and getting the mortgage set up etc... It was good to get dressed up pretty, go out with my friends (which I have struggled to make through my shyness since we moved her a year ago) We got drunk and danced the night away. Nothing else happen, Of course you get the odd make trying to chat you up but doesnt everyone? We was walking home and a car full of teenage boys pulled up but we told them to go home we are going back to our husband and children, I didnt hide anything about that night, We went out at half 9/10pm after a few drinks in the house and I got home around half 1, wasnt out long but it was good.

I am still getting the horrible comments, asking me what I got up to and how many phone numbers I have got??!! I am a mother of two and engaged to him ffs, why cant he trust me!

I have another night out planned next week which he has been fine with, but tbh I am dreading the atmoshpere when I get home. It shouldnt be like that. He is off ut this weekend with his work colleagues/friends, on an all day thing, He asked me would I take him and pick him up and Ive agreed, I trust him 100% I think it will do his good to get out away from us for a while. Even a few hours.

He is behaving very immaturely. I believe however that when children are involved, a couple should do everything they can to try to stay together. This is your 3rd relationship and the 2nd which has fathered a child. Is it not worth trying to save? What signals will you give out to any other men who might want to get to know you? That you can't handle any upset and walk away from it- without a thught for your children's emotional well-being? You can't put them through all this change without trying tosave things. Have you thought about relationship counselling? Personally, I think it should be mandatory for any couple who have kids. It sounds as if you are both angry, resentful and unfulfilled. I know it can be very hard being a SAHM, but going out clubbing with the girls can give off the wrong signals. I know there is nothing at all wrong with going out with a group of friends, but going into an environment which is used mainly by single people trying to meet each other can be hard for the partner left at home.

You have both got alot of talking todo- and if Idare say so, a lot of growing up. Having a child togather is abig commitment- you can't just walk away when someone gets annoyed you have had anight out- or they spend time on Msn! For goodness sake!

I have just read the rest of your last post- did he behave like this before you lived together? Was there any sign of it? You need to go to counselling TOGETHER. Escaping for nights out is only avoiding the issue. But if any man used language like that to me, you wouldn't see me for dust...... is this his normal way of expressing himself? Have you acceptted that sort of language and attitude before?

Did you realise he was like this before you had a child? I find it hard to know how things have got this bad with a 6 month old baby-it can't be that many months back that you thought you had a permanent future - what's changed?

hls - I dont want to leave it, I never want it to come to that I love this man with all my heart. I think its what he wants.