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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s moved on - help needed for me to move on.

9 replies

Blobbylover · 18/11/2019 21:18

Hi
I’ve been split from my ex for 8 months - we were together for 8 years. The last 2 years we weren’t living together as he moved out and we were trying to get things back on track while giving each other space. No children - fertility issues. We spent the whole of last Christmas together and were planning on buying a new house in a different town - closer for him to commute as I work from home ( this was one of the reasons we split as I was at home all the time and he had a long commute to work )
It was a shock when he told me that he didn’t want to commit to a house purchase and that he felt under pressure to do this as he didn’t want it ... so in his eyes it was over.
To be honest it didn’t feel over as we would still text/chat etc talk about the dog blah blah blah. I think in my head we would just work it out as we both loved each other .
Fast forward to the weekend and I saw him in a shopping centre with a woman. My heart sunk. She looks exactly like me but younger.
I burst into tears and had to leave ( they hadn’t saw me)
I’m an emotional wreck as I still love him and foolishly have been in hoping we would get back together.
I know he didn’t have to tell me he had started dating again but we were in contact at least once a week.
I know it’s serious with her as I looked on his Facebook page ( he has never been one to post on Fb and there are selfies of them together )
How do I move on ?

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 18/11/2019 21:55

Its a shock i think as you harboured hopes for a reconciliation. I know how you feel as it happened to me when my exh dumped me and a few days later, as i was moving out, i saw them walking laughing along together. Its really painful.

Not much you can do other than keep busy with friends and have lots of plans and know that time is a great healer.

Lozzerbmc · 18/11/2019 21:56

I’d end contact as well as its stopping you healing.

Blobbylover · 18/11/2019 22:14

Thank you - I’m definitely contacting him again.
I’m in no rush for another relationship ...just feel hurt and used . He was the one with the fertility issues and altho I never planned any with him , I feel as tho my chance has gone ... she has 2 children which makes it hurt even more .

OP posts:
FabbyChix · 18/11/2019 22:17

You grieve for the loss take time learn to be alone again takes time

fit4more · 18/11/2019 22:20

How old are you?

Blobbylover · 18/11/2019 22:25

Thank you for your replies.
I’m 42

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 18/11/2019 23:01

Yes that is really painful for you to deal with. My exh went onto have a baby with OW and he called one fri eve to tell me and it floored me the whole wknd. (We had done 3 failed ivfs).

Its not too late you could still have a baby (donor egg/sperm) or adopt. All i can say is be kind to yourself - do things that make you feel good. Its a kind of grief but you will get through it

Blobbylover · 18/11/2019 23:11

Thank you - it’s hard . I’m devastated about it! We never tried IVF as once we found out it was his sperm the chance of conceiving was less than 10% and I didn’t want to go through all the invasive treatments only to end up disappointed at the end.
I feel I have no one to talk to as I have put a brave face on with my family and friends and they helped ( accidentally ) by fuelling the fantasy of us getting back together.
I am truly heartbroken and alone.

OP posts:
Kerry197878 · 18/11/2019 23:22

Sorry to hear this , must be devastating, however I was 41 on my last child and my sister was 49 naturally conceived so there's hope .. he obviously wasn't MR right for you anyway .... something good will come from this and time will help

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