£180 on ‘National Lottery’ over a months debit statement.

[RebornFlame]

Me and dh are not at all wealthy. We are not on the bones of our arse poor but both are into significant overdrafts and need both our wages to support our family of 4.

Whilst no one goes without, new clothes and expensive experiences are a very rare treat. I’m in a ‘I’ll just get a tea’ at a trendy coffee date with friends type situation .

I read dh’s Statement (we are pretty relaxed and tend to leave our docs lying around) and was shocked to see the above amount of money debited in £10 individual spends over the last month. We spent less than that taking ds away for a 4 night caravan hokiday for his birthday a month ago!

I asked him and he said he just got a bit tipsy some nights when he gets in from work (works late and I’m asleep when he returned) and must have done it then. No blame or anger for my reading his statement but no sorry either. Where do I go from here?

I don’t want to be duplicitous and snoop on his private letters again but I don’t want such a waste of what’s truly a huge amount of money to us to be a regular thing. WWYD?

I'd also be fuming, it sounds to me he is crap with money £180 is a lot of money and he is spending money getting tipsy regularly.
If he stopped being a dick with money then you'd be better off .
Do you know how much he earns? You have dc so he shouldn't be frittering money away when he has responsibility's .
I'd go through your finances properly with him what you both earn what goes out etc .

I don’t know exactly how much he earns but as he is full time, significantly more than me (I do 3 days a week).

Because neither of us can really go out in the evening (money and childcare) I don’t begrudge him having a few beers after work but the gambling just seems such a futile pointless thing to waste money on.

My abusive ex was a gambler. When he was working, it could be anything from 10 to 20 pounds a day. It was one of the things I found utterly unacceptable, as he was not willing to change and I soon discovered that money I had "loaned" him when he wasn't working was in fact gambled away or used to pay off gambling or drug debt.

180 is a LOT of money to gamble per month. Does he want to change and get help? Usually this is one of the toughest addictions to sort.

Maybe you should suggest he reads up on matched betting, which isn't gambling, so that he keeps busy, but makes money instead. Not while drunk though.

I can’t imagine being married and not knowing what my DH earns, surely you need to know to do your family budget? . Do you both have separate ‘spending money’? If that’s what you’ve agreed then I don’t see how you can object to what he spends his share on? Or do you just muddle through your bliss every month?

It’s gambling do you have that to waste

Get him to set a weekly limit on whatever apps/websites so he can't overspend when tipsy

Also look up the gambling charities

Do you think this is a typical month but you haven't spotted it before? The lack of an apology / remorse would be a massive issue for me. Maybe as a pp above suggests you need to have a more transparent system. So you're not snooping on him as you say in your OP, but you have a proper budget and are both open about how much money is coming in and going out.

I wouldn't be best pleased either, he needs to nip it in the bud before it gets worse.

Is it the lotto app he has? I downloaded it to play lotto so I didn't have to go to the shop, you can only 'top up' £10 at a time, you can play Lotto and scratch cards, I did my lotto then spent £8 on scratch cards whilst up with the baby, kept winning little amounts, then loosing and ended up topping up again, happened like this quite a few times and I kept playing, became a little bit addictive, I deleted it because I felt like it was taking control a bit, I'd wake in the night to feed LO and be straight on the app, or end up on it during the day if sat bored. I've never gambled other than playing the lottery once a week and once in a blue moon ill buy a scratch card, never made a bet, gambled online or stepped foot in a bookies.

It certainly showed me how easy it for a gambling addiction to take hold.

I don’t know exactly how much he earns
Err your married or as good as with dc and you don't know how much he earns ? Nah you both need to sort finances out and quick .

I can’t imagine being married and not knowing what my DH earns,

^This

My wife knows what I earn and me her. Ok, not to the nearest one pound, but give or take a fiver.

I never understand how married couples don't know these things. I guess my wife and I would be considered old fashioned, we have a joint account. It works for us and has done for years.