I posted before about the break-up with my ex.
He dumped me because I was "making him feel guilty"
We had two "disagreements" in the entirety of our relationship. I say disagreement because it never escalated to an argument - I have never raised my voice or sworn at him, and he hasn't to me. The disagreements have literally been "nagging" at most from me, but in my mind not unreasonable nagging? The first time was asking him when he would be back from seeing a friend for a training session during a weekend at his house (we are LDR: said he would be back at one time and after an hour passed this I said: "what time will you be back?") Apparently that was disrespectful, and I was speaking down to him. I got dumped for that. Albeit for a few days, and then he said he "overreacted".
Second time was about porn. He makes a point of not watching it. I'm not trying to be a cool girlfriend here, but I really don't care if my partners do watch it. I mean, there are circumstances in which it would piss me off - e.g. if it was chosen over me, but generally couldn't care less. Anyway, he makes a point of saying how he hates the sexualisation of women. He uses social media for his business and unfollows/deletes women regularly who post selfies etc. He says porn makes him feel uncomfortable. He hates feelings of "lust". He won't talk about sex. He says that lust ruins lives (his father cheated on his mother, his sister cheated with his best friend, his first girlfriend cheated on him...)
So I was on Instagram and saw that he had liked a picture of a pornstar, so I called him asking why he had done that, when he said he hated stuff like that. He wouldn't discuss it saying he couldn't remember doing it. Conversation lasted 2 minutes if that. I apologised immediately - said that I appreciate it wasn't a major issue considering our current stresses, and that I had had a bad day etc., and I didn't particularly care/he was free to so what he wanted to do.
He ignored me for 2 days. Eventually he called me, but he wouldn't let it go. Like I said, I never raise my voice to him, I didn't swear - I just asked a question, because in my mind it seemed so unlike him (and it was on his business page).Anyway, after a week of him effectively sulking and making me feel bad, I apologised again and said it didn't really bother me BUT that I stand by the fact I mentioned it, because it was previously discussed as something he wouldn't do, and it was more a discussion that an argument.
He said I was always making him feel guilty, accusing him of being lustful and how could he ever open up to me again when I twisted his words so much? That he can't see past this ... Why did I have to make him feel bad? I thought I was his soulmate etc etc. He said I had put pressure on him. He said we should split up. He said he would post me my things because he couldn't bear to look at me. He sat turned away from me the whole time, huffing and laughing whenever I spoke saying "it doesn't matter what you think" and "you're a manipulative bitch". I said that was quite upsetting, and I would rather keep it amicable if possible, I didn't understand anything I had done wrong.
He broke up with me in a train station 2 days before my birthday, with no way for me to get home, 4 days after an abortion. He said he didn't feel comfortable looking at me, spent the whole time looking the other way from me, not listening and tutting every time I spoke. So pretty disrespectful.
I haven't contacted him now for 2 weeks.
The decision came after 3 weeks post-breakup where he would blow hot (having a 7 hour phone conversation) and cold (sending on word responses on text to me). The final straw came when he arranged to meet me to hand over my stuff, but didn't text on the day. I kinda lost the urge to get back with him that day.
He responded three days later saying he "completely forgot" to text to arrange. I couldn't be bothered with the game-playing anymore so I just didn't respond.
He then text me the day after saying that he could post SOME of my stuff back to me, if that was preferable to me.
I ignored.
He then text yesterday saying "Don't mean to keep bothering you (affectionate nickname) but just let me know when you're ready for me to send your stuff and I will get it sorted for you"
I again haven't responded.
At this point, it's been 5 weeks since we split up. I asked for my things the day after he finished with me, and I still haven't got them. I've lasted this long without them, I guess I don't need them now.
Why the sudden urgency on his behalf to return them? he's treated me with no respect over the last 5 weeks, and held them for that long. He "forgot" to return them 2 weeks ago, but now it seems so urgent.
During these two weeks, I have felt calmer and more at ease with myself. I have realized that I am a nice person, that I had minimal fault in the breakup, and that I am ALLOWED to express my opinions, wants and needs in a relationship and that doesn't make me mean.
Do they not realise what pieces of shit they are? They can't treat people the way they do and expect contact on their terms.
It sounds awful, but I want him to feel the same level of panic I did when we broke up. That this time, I am not talking things through. The NC is the new way forward for me.
I don't want to break NC, but I also don't want to be mean. I don't want to engage with him. He knows my address, but weirdly keep insisting that he doesn't. I am tired of this now. I just want it to go away.
What's the best course of action here?