Grumpy partner

[mummyccc]

What does one do when most weekend your partner, father to children age 3 and 5 is generally grumpy and not much fun to be with? He's a good dad and he helps look after them so I get a few hours to myself to go to the gym...
Is this normal with children?

Well this one would probably leave and go find someone who was happy to be in my company and who made me happy to be in theirs. Can't abide grumpy people - they cast a blight over everything.
I suppose it depends on whether you love him, whether there's a reason (have you asked him?), whether your life is sufficiently ok in other ways for you to put up with it. Is it?

Thank you. I feel unsure now as to how you know if you actually do love someone...
I love our family being together and that means a huge amount to me.
I hate the idea of 'sharing' the children and them living in different homes...
I think he just has a grumpy nature and is 50 next year so perhaps men get more grumpy.
I don't think I want another partner. I do really like being on my own.
Hmmmm.

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they themselves can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. Do you think your family is "together" or are you the lynchpin here holding it together because he really does not contribute much if at all in terms of family life.

Not all men become more grumpy as they age either. This is who this man is. Is he grumpy as well towards people in the outside world as well or is this mainly directed at you (and in turn the children who also pick up on all this).

My OH seems to be grumpy for a large portion of our time together. It fucks me off so badly. He's not grumpy with the kids, just me. And I've worked out it's worse when he is tired. I got a small lie in last Saturday morning and he was almost unable to function that day. Short tempered, moody, and not good company. It's almost put me off having a lie in again. We've got other issues in our marriage just now but I feel that the grumpiness could almost be the straw that broke the camel's back!!

ExP was grumpy all the time, the straw that broke the camels back was one Christmas Day he was giving me one word answers, being his miserable and sulky self and I left him a few weeks later. All of a sudden something snapped in my head and I was sick of him and didn't love him anymore.

Met DH a few months later and now have DC in a very happy relationship.

I can understand your situation is harder as you have DC with this man, but not all men become like that and you shouldn't have to feel down because of someone else's bad mood.

I'm 56 DP is 64.We aren't grumpy. We are happy together, still socialise and holiday together etc. Bit of a sweeping generalisation to think 50 = automatically grumpy. Loads of people aren't like your partner.

I can't stand grumpy people around me. I find they don't appreciate the good things in life (health, family, stability etc) and just permeate the atmosphere with gloom. I wouldn't want to look back down the years when I'm old, regretting that I'm stuck with a Grinch who's sucked the joy out of everything. Emotional wellbeing matters.

Have you witnessed him parenting when he thinks you're not looking? Because in my experience, "grumpy" men think it's fine to verbally and physically abuse children.

Also have a read of "How To Be Good" by Nick Hornby.

Well what Oldstyle said unfortunately. Having a grumpy partner is very depressing.

and he helps look after them
What???
Surely he does his fair share and also full time 'parents' them!
He can't 'help' with his own kids.
He's not a babysitter.
He is their father.
Other than that, what do you want OP?
Would you be happier without him there all the time?
Have you actually spoken to him about this?
Was he always like this?
Would he agree to having some counselling if you do want to try?
But first he needs to acknowledge and accept that you don't like who he is right now. You don't like him grumpy.
So what is he prepared to do about that?

Thank you everyone- speaking to him about it has to be the starting point but I'm sure I had the conversation a year ago ....
It's horrid when from the outside it all looks so perfect but on the inside you are not fully convinced....

DH is a grumpy jerk in the mornings, when getting the kids out of the house. He barley does anything, snaps at everyone and gets annoyed it takes longer than he thinks it should to leave. Talking hasn't changed anything. He won't see it. Its only a small portion of the day, but it taints ever. Though he can be a grumpy jerk too and sometimes when driving home from an outing. He's much worse if he's tired. I took on more and more over the years hoping I could relieve his stress. Made him not one iota kinder and l ended up resenting him so much.

is he grumpy with other people? work? parents? friends?

or just you :(

My chap is lovely to the cat, nice to other people when he sees them, but can be dismissive when they are not there. He's generally jolly with the children, he's lovely to me when he's been away for a couple of days!