Second chance? Advice pls

[Newmumma516789]

Hello :)
New hear and looking for some advice.
My husband and I separated 5 months ago we've together 4 years and at the time of separation our DS was 9 months. Towards the end of my pregnancy DH confessed he was suffering with mental health but refused to seek any help. Within weeks of DS being born DH was staying out most nights at friends house, our relationship changed drastically and DH became physically violent towards me on a couple of occasions which made me leave. In hindsight I think there has been lots of issues with control in our relationship and up until recently have been certain we can't be together despite struggling with loneliness. I am a working single first time mum I have no friends at all and my parents are very opinionated about my situation so not able to talk to them. Just recently DH has been very forward with wanting to make our marriage work he is certain he has changed and can see how bad his behaviour was. I am extremely lonely and the thought of giving up on us hurts. I am considering giving him a chance but as a sensible human being I am so worried that I'll be the idiot who forgives him and it happens again or worse he hurts me really badly next time.

Advice please x

You are absolutely insane to even consider allowing a man who was physically violent back into your life and that of your child's. You desperately need therapy and the Freedom Programme.

Ime leopards don't change their spots. Me and ehx split for 6 months. Got back together. He nearly killed us all drink driving - threats of destroying our home had worn thin. Police advised I got rid. So I filed for divorce. Didn't tell him.
He found out it was me who reported him for drink driving. Tried to strangle me across a table at MEDIATION, where he was trying to protest his violent nature..
So, don't go back ime op. You have ripped the plaster off. Healing all the way now.

You & your DS are lucky to still be alive.
Protect yourself & your child.

So you’re asking if you should get back with your violent husband? He will not have changed you must see that? You said he had been violent on a couple of occasions. Did he say after the first time it wouldnt happen again? And it did?

Forge ahead on your own and do not look back!!! Congratulate yourself on getting rid of him..

Only if you plan on getting battered again and putting your dc in the firing line too

Don't let the mental health excuse his behaviour (yes it can make it worse but he is manipulating you). I dealt with years of listening to that. Split up with him around 4 years in with two children. Hot back together couple months down the line. Was okay for a while. By the time I left last year it was so hostile and violent I'm surprised I survived that long.m, I hated him at the end. No love was left. I spent my time hurt over a relationship that was over and "grieving" for the man he once was but now I'm so glad I left. After all the begging and pleading from him the true colours and evilness came out. Yes it's hard but my god not as hard as it was with him

Your husband is a violent abuser. You should not even consider getting back together with him. Not ever.

Either :

He cant control his behaviour, in which case you're in danger

Or:

He can, and he's choosing not to, in which case you're in danger

Its that simple.

Please talk to Women's Aid, and take The Freedom Programme. If you can't do it for your own sake, do it for your kids.

The Freedom Programme
freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php

Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That?
tinyurl.com/LundyWhy

Thanks for the responses.

I understand at face value it seems like I'm saying my husband beat me up should I stay with him and let him carry on.This is most certainly not he case hence why I left when I did, although it got violent I wasn't battered by him but I wasn't going to sit around and take a chance that it might happen.

For those who have commented to say you've been here you've given the second chance and it's not worked out thank you for sharing your experiences. I guess I wouldn't be posting on here and constantly second guessing myself if I too didn't have a gut feeling that of course it won't change.

I went back, I regret that I did. He hadn't changed. He just knew what I wanted to hear. I am sure you know deep down that if you go back, your DH will reach a different level, meaning regarding abuse tactics. It changes every time you try and set new boundaries after each episode, and gradually you will loose sight of you and possibly learn to minimise and doubt the abuse. Live life fully without regret.

You are vulnerable and that is why you are considering it. Why aren't you giving yourself a chance? Why are you giving up on yourself?

Why do you value yourself so little that you consider an abusive relationship would be better than no relationship?

What can you do with your life that would make the future better than the past? Can you meet up with other Mums? You need some friends.

You husband doesn't want you back, he wants control of you back. Don't make such a massive mistake.

You've done the hardest part. You've left.
Going back will show him if he wears you down enough, you will always go back.
Don't let you child see a situation that is avoidable

I realise that I won't be considering this is o wasn't struggling with confidence and being alone. I know I need to work on myself to give me the best chance to move forward with my life.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Making friends is something I definitely need to work on but right now I barely have the confidence to be by myself without trying to introduce new people into my life.

I guess I know the answer deep down.