What do you make of this.

[deerclock2019]

Broke up nearly a month ago with narcissistic ex.

When i text and say we all have faults and I've listed hers mine and her daughters i get no reply.

If i text and say its all me with a range of other stuff and say i will take all the blame for everything, boom i get a reply with thumbs up etc.

So most of her clothes and daughters essential clothes have gone, but there's a load of clothes left for both people some expensive handbags etc, which i've bagged up ready.

I've told ex to come and get them, she replied saying she was coming to see, sleep with the dog every few weeks.

i replied saying "what if ive got someone here you cant just walk in willy nilly", she responded "ok if thats a problem for you maybe its not a good idea i will bring a big suitcase and take as much as i can", we arranged a day and she never turned up making some excuse up.

Now i personally need to move on now with my life not because i have someone as its too soon but because i need to change the decoration of the house and get all the memories out and start a fresh.

She still has the keys and won't respond until i make contact. so its radio silence until i make contact, is this some form of narcissistic control. I get the feeling she was planning to leave stuff here to see the dog ?

i've also mentioned i'm putting the house up for rent and she was like "your already putting tenants in" and i've mentioned i'm going to leave this town and she was like "why dont u like it here"

quite weird, can't put my finger on it.

Do you both own the house ? Break ups are messy and muddled, the fact that she replied with a thumbs up when you said it was all your fault, means that she obviously thinks this is correct.

No i own the house.

Wow this sounds like my ex and his current exs situation down to the dog how weird?!?!
Anyhow...
Yeah she's trying to control you and she knows you still probably have feelings. Just get her stuff leave it outside take a picture and say you better come get it before someone else does!

Change the locks, first of all. Then put all of her stuff in bin bags, text her to say they will be by the front door, and if she doesn't retrieve them by pick-up day, they will be gone with the rest of the rubbish. Then block her. Stop playing these silly mind games with her and end it for good.

You sound a bit controlling if I’m honest op- listing her and her daughters faults? Why- what possible benefit was that to anyone? You have broken up, her faults are no longer your concern.

You apparently expect a specific response to various goading texts Re the dog and instructions as to when she can and can’t enter her own home and seem disappointed that she’s not rising to you.
You seem like you’re trying to erase all traces of her from the house and she sounds like she’s feeling rushed and possibly hurt by your constantly changing attitude to it all .

I’m not saying that she’s blameless but you need to take a look at your communication with her and what your intentions were. No wonder her attitude is weird- she probably doesn’t know what you’re playing at running hot and cold with her.

Well i did agree she could see the dog if she arranges a time with me so i make sure i'm not here, or i could take it to her new place as she's living with her sister at the moment, but rather than reply and say yes ok i get nothing.

Very strange and odd, i don't get why she has not got a little van and got all her clothes and daughters clothes out.

@royallscrewed

Believe me i'm not the controlling one trust me on that.

So is she your ex partner or are you married? I would have thought a break up just a month ago was very early days.

Ex partner we were not married.

Sounds like she isn’t quite finished yet and possibly having second thoughts because if it were me id take what I needed and then said throw the rest.

Just change the locks. Give her a date in two weeks' time when you want her stuff collected by and ask her when she will be collecting it. Let her know that if she doesn't collect it you will take it to a charity shop.

Did I understand correctly? She has told you that she is going to visit every few weeks to have a sleep over with the dog? If so, does that mean you'll have to sleep elsewhere when she visits?

Does sound a touch controlling on her part, as does her not removing their belongings.

No point listing faults, be they yours, hers or her daughters. That won't change the dynamics of a relationship. I tried this in the hope the message might get through... but it doesn't work. You got the thumbs up when you capitulated but heard nothing when you listed faults on both sides.

If she is a narcissist you play into her hands if you tell her her faults. What happens, or happened in my case, was that the faults were denied and all issues were down to me and my faults. I am worn down from the relationship and doubting if I am who I thought I was. I still have feelings for him (or the person I thought he was) but I have reached the end of the road.

You weren’t married, the daughter isn’t yours and it’s your house? How long were you together?

On the face of it:

Text her to get her stuff by x date or it goes to charity

Change the locks

Block her on everything.

Job done surely?

Oh and YABU listing her faults and I REALLY hope her daughter is an adult and you weren’t listing a kids faults!!

Odd, odd, odd.

Just move on. Sort the locks, pack her stuff tell her to get it. Bin bags are fine. Then stop talking.

Who lists faults? Just stop engaging.

Tell her a deadline and put the clothes in the front garden after that date.

And stop sending texts apportioning blame to you or her or anyone. Draw a line now.

I agree with giving her a deadline to collect her remaining items or they are getting binned and then draw a line and don't initiate contact with her.

It is no longer her home and is not her house if you own it, so change the locks.

It always takes two to tango, there should be no fault or blame placed. We all have our own undersirable behaviors, that's being human. You are apart now, what's in the past, leave it behind. As pp said leave bits outside for her to collect and no contact

I'm guessing you texted with everyone's faults as a kind of 'this is where we went wrong - if we fix this we can try again' rather than just being an arsehole as suggested by PPs?

Change the locks and text her to say you'll drop her things off at x time. If nobody's in you'll drop them over the garden gate.

Once that's done, block and delete and be happy.

Why are you texting her with a list of her and her daughters faults and then texting saying it was all your fault?
What are trying to achieve? What response were you expecting?
If someone was texting me those things I wouldn't respond either.
Sounds like you're just trying to get a rise or a reaction from her and it's a little bit manipulative.

If it's genuinely over then going back and forth trying to pin blame and list each others faults is pretty pointless.
Bag her things and tell her to come and get them or drop them off with a family member and then stop texting her!
I'm assuming you don't have any children together.
Do you want the relationship to be over or did you want her to just agree that it was all her fault?

It doesn't sound like narcissistic control to me at all, it sounds like a woman who's moving on and she's not responding to your texts while you're saying things like 'oh what if I have someone here' . It really sounds like you want some reaction from her and she's not playing the game.

Why did you break up?

Stop playing these silly mind games with her and end it for good.

This

Who cares why she’s playing silly buggers. Diagnosing her distracts you from the real problem, which is your refusal to stop engaging with her.