Am I expecting too much?

[MeTimeInProgress]

I really need to hear some different perspectives on my expectations from DH. I feel all alone and getting more down each day.

I feel like DH is a passenger in our life. We have been married 12 years. Young DC. He doesn't take the lead on anything and this means it's all left to me. For example;

• family days out or activities. He hasn't arranged one in years.

• special occasions. I buy all presents, accept invites, make all arrangements. For our own DC I plan their bdays.

• meals. For weekends I asked if we could share cooking. I do one weekend then he does one. He said yes but then the weekend comes and he hasn't even thought about it and he ends up cooking chicken nuggets (again) for the DC and nothing for me.

This applies to every single aspect of our lives. Cleaning, school applications, house improvements, holidays, finances, homework. I have spoken to him several times and nothing changes.

Am I expecting too much for him to take a lead (with me) in our lives? His LIFE!

No offence but perhaps you are too capable? Many men see this and step back.
You need to make it clear thus is becoming a deal breaker for you, and then LET him get on with it. Do not criticise his efforts as 'not how you wanted it done' even if it's nuggets.

But yes he is a man child and YANBU

Thanks @tobedtoMNandfart

Yes I agree. He knows I will do it and I suspect over the years he has stepped back and let me get on with it.

I tell him how stressful it is being me. So it hurts that even though he knows this he won't step up and do his share. It makes me hate him not love him. I'm so let down by myself that I didn't see he was a manchild all those years ago.

I worry that the DC will suffer when he doesn't do certain things. Like school applications, Christmas presents, buying them new clothes so that they have things that fit.

Yep I've been there, wanted everything to be perfect for DC, very capable & organised, bit of a control freak. In my case illness forced my husband to step up. I had to let go more, and guess what everyone survived. Honestly I don't think he remembers how little he used to do!
Good to have areas you know each other will do, eg, cooking at weekends etc. Good luck!

Have the chat again
Things have to change, for my sanity (you)

As from .....
We both do the tea
One makes it, other washes pots tidy away.
Bedtime, turns each night
Food shop. You both go it take it in turns with the list for things needed
Cleaning. 1 does upstairs 1 downstairs
Gardening together
Presents discuss take in turns going for it or ordering it (amazon)

Just tell him, you’d let to just sit back and get things done for you
Also your his wife not mother to another child

Stick with it, if he doesn’t move to do it
You don’t
If you don’t, it will always be as it is.