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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t know what to do anymore?

12 replies

Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:15

I know there are two sides to every story and I can’t think straight right now so I don’t think I can will be able to communicate things properly.

I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and I want out. I want to run away from it all. I hate all of my life, I starting to think it would be easier if I get my husband to move out.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 17/11/2019 13:18

Is your husband harming you in any way? Do you have any real life support? Can you go and stay with your parents for a while to just get away and clear your head?

UnicornsExist · 17/11/2019 13:22

What do you want to run away from? Everything? Your husband? The children?
Could you have PND? Flowers

Original poster
Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:23

No he’s not harming me and compared to some men on MN is he is supportive but I’m just sick of taking on all the mental load.

I don’t really have any real life support and I can’t stay with my parents as there is no room and they have multiple health problems and need support.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 17/11/2019 13:24

So it's because you just feel completely overwhelmed which is perfectly understandable. What happens when you sit down and tell him how you feel?

Original poster
Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:25

I think I want to run away from everything. I’m just overwhelmed, possibly PND. Baby is ebf due to allergies and will only sleep in my arms all night. I’m exhausted and I’ve lost all sense of myself.

I love my children but I just need a break. Right now I don’t even like my husband. He thinks he is amazing for taking the baby for 45 mins this morning while I slept.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:28

12345kbm he tells me that he is also tired. He says I need to accept help from his Mum but she can’t have the older child at her house as it’s not suitable (building site/hoarder) and I would have to provide older child food anyway. His Mum looked after the older child when I had to go out for a few hours over nursery pick up to look after my Mum and when I got back there were so many toys every where that it was not worth the effort.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 17/11/2019 13:37

Can his mum take the children out for a few hours (not to her place of course) so you can sleep? Have a bath, a long sleep, something nutritious to eat? Is there anyone who can take them for a long walk so you can get some rest, you sound completely exhausted. Is there anyone who can batch cook for you? So it's one less thing to think about.

Have you seen your GP about possible PND or your health visitor?

I think your situation isn't your husband but sheer exhaustion. He probably should be pulling his weight more, taking over when he gets in from work. He can batch cook a load of meals for the week. He needs to be supporting you more. Can your health visitor speak to him about this or his mum (if you have any kind of relationship with her).

Gingerbread have family support groups and can point you in the right direction if you give them a call or take a look at their website: www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Original poster
Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:55

No one to cook for me. Baby is ebf and is inconsistent in how long she will go between feeds so I’m stuck with her.

DH does stuff but does not seem capable of managing more than one child or one child and doing stuff. I’m just so angry that I have to manage both kids and get stuff done like make lunch because I have no choice but but feed them and he just shrugs his shoulders and says he can’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantdoitanymorehelp · 17/11/2019 13:55

I don’t have that option to say I can’t.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 17/11/2019 14:09

So your DH has never, ever cooked for himself? He went from his parents cooking for him to you cooking for him and has never had to lift a finger regarding food? No wonder you're exhausted.

He CAN, he just chooses not to. Women aren't born knowing how to cook and clean. They learn and he can learn too. I think you need back up as he's a selfish person and needs a kick up the bum because you are suffering here.

You can't be away from one baby but the other one can be taken for walks, or lunch or soft play or swimming in order to help you a little. Your husband can surely follow a Youtube instruction video. He can shop and he can cook. He can clean up and pull his weight. He needs a good talking to and I would get his parents on board to help out if he won't listen to you.

Hopeless101 · 17/11/2019 14:37

Not sure what to do, warily this year I found out my partner of 3+ years went to a prostitute... I was pretty upset as you can imagine, he said he wouldn't do it again, 3 months later a week before we were traveling overseas, I caught him out again. When confronted both ti.es he did not hesitate to tell me the truth. The second time just before our holiday, I was pretty angry, that i couldn't talk to him for 2 days, i seriously concidered cancelling the trip, he convinced me that he wanted to be with me and wanted to take me away so we went. Had a fab ti.e now back to reality, I have started to get a bit angry, I dont know if I can trust him again. I dont have anyone to talk to about this as our friends are our friends... what should I do? Do I try to trust him again? Is it possible. Or do I call it quites?

Hopeless101 · 17/11/2019 14:53

Sorry didn't mean to post this on your post

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