So upset and dont know where to turn

[Loopyloo4000]

I'm writing this just so I can get everything out. This post might upset some people so I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm in a mentally abusive relationship, I live with my partner but he works away, he can be lovely but he can also put me down alot and he also likes to drink alot.
Recently I found out I was pregnant, my partner has been very hot and cold about this and not really very supportive. I chose to have an abortion as I dont feel in a stable relationship and also for financial reasons, my partner was ok with this. I had my appointment on Friday for the first lot of pills and was given some to take at home yesterday. My partner decided not to come home this weekend as he had been invited to a work colleagues party, he said afterwards he would come home if I wanted him to but I already felt that I shouldn't have to ask him to so told him no. I took the second lot of pills yesterday and it was very traumatic for me, not just the pain and the bleeding but emotionally. I kept ringing my partner but ne was quite short with me. He text me this morning to find out how I was but when I replied he has tried to make out I've started an argument with him. I didnt!! He also rang me and told me not to contact him today as I am a stupid c##t.
I know it's not right for him to speak to me like that and I thought he might be a little more supportive but I feel like I have been through this whole process on my own. I'm so tired and fed up and really do not know who I am anymore. I feel complete guilty about the abortion and I've never felt to alone in my life.

Wow. He left you to abort his baby on your own? That’s not right. You went through an abortion because the relationship isn’t stable? It’s time to end it and find somebody who treats you right. You deserve better. Do you have any family/friends who can support you?

Do you own or rent! Who's name is the house in? I'm sorry you had to go through an abortion alone. I would be leaving this twat.

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need and I'm sorry you feel so alone right now. Your partner is abusive and you really need to start taking steps to leave. You can search for a domestic abuse organisation near you for support: www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ It might also help to call the Samaritans who can simply listen. When you feel alone and isolated sometimes just talking to a friendly ear helps: 116 113

Your GP is also a good person to talk to. There may be post abortion support available in your area or counselling available.

He has shown you who he is.
He wants his own way.
Please get out while you can.
Right now your not trapped you have a great life ahead if you run now.

Thank you for your replies.
I do have friends but I have leant on them alot recently so dont want to bother them to much but they have been amazing.
I rent and it's a joint tenancy in both our names and tied to a contract.
Everytime we talk he starts an argument and says it's because I wind him up, but I honestly dont think I've said anything bad. I'm just mentally exhausted and very emotional today. Yesterday was quite traumatic for me and I feel a massive loss today.

I'm sorry you are going through this alone. Of course he should be there supporting you and you shouldn't have to ask either. I hope you have family/friends in real life to support you.
I really think you need to end this relationship as things could get worse. He isn't caring, he isn't supportive, he calls you vile names. You're worth so much more than that

Loopy, I'm so sorry for what you're going through 💐
ultimately you must make a plan to get away from this person because he will only harm you.

I'm just lonely and scared.

Is he coming home later? Are you scared of him coming home?
Do you work? Would you be able to take on the property yourself or find a new place for you? (Sorry, bombarding you with questions but just seeing what your options could be)

If he's not there OP try contacting Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 They will support you.

Hes not coming home until next weekend.
I do work but I couldn't afford the rent on my own. I'm not scared of him sober, only when he has a drink. Weirdly, I still love him and I know that sounds stupid. I'm just upset that the one time I really needed him he couldn't be here. He is out drinking today so thats why he sent abusive messages and spoke to me like s##t. He said he wants to be left alone and for me not to bother him. I sound like an idiot saying I love him when he treats me like that I know I do!

You're not an idiot at all but I think you need to consider this relationship seriously and if you want to be always second best to his mates and drinking and no support when you've needed him the most. And then there's the verbal abuse which will only get worse and could escalate eventually wearing you down to have no confidence or self esteem left. There's other options if you can't afford your own place such as house share or renting a room. I wouldn't contact him again, leave it as he's been drinking and you'll probably get more verbal abuse. Take this time he's away to think about what you want to do and as another pp said, contact women's aid for support. I'm sure you've read many threads on her about women in abusive relationships and the one's who got out and although hard in the beginning, they're happy now. YOU deserve to be happy too.

Contact women’s aid

Thank you everyone. Your words have really helped me today x