Advice

[Hydrograd1]

Hi All
I just need some old fashioned advice. I have been with my partner for a long time and I love her very much. She is going through menopause, which I totally get. I try to be supportive and do what I can.
Intimacy is a real issue, and it has been like it for at least 6 years. It was great before.
Every time I try to discuss anything it she throws a huge wobbly and shuts down on me and refuses to talk until she is ready.
I don't pressure her anymore, but last week we had an argument, she shut down on me and got very spiteful towards me. For some reason, it affected me all week.
I have tried talking and she admits she has an issue, but won't deal with it. As you can imagine it is affecting me because being told for years it is not you takes its toll.
When she has wanted it (once this year) she enjoys it.
I am totally lost and feeling quite low because she says she wants us to be together and have a future.
I suggested single beds, she said no. I suggested time on her own, she said she doesn't want that.
I don't have a massive sex drive, but surely once a year is not healthy.
I have also said that if she wants a sex free relationship, then it will have to be separate beds so I do not feel rejected. Her reaction is if that's what I want to do.
Anybody help me out here, I know I am probably rambling as well....thankyou

I always think these situations are sad. On the one hand her hormones will be all over the place and hormones can play a huge part in who we are.

Her not talking to you might be because she is scared to discuss the issue. It is a major problem and possibly me she’d like to ignore.

Single beds won’t help with intimacy. You have a decision to make. Either accept for now that sex is off the cards or tell her you are leaving.

No one deserves to be forced into sex they don’t want, but equally no one should be forced into living a celibate life. If you’ve lasted 6 years I think you’ve been very patient. She might never want sex again.

If she won’t talk, write her a letter. Tell her how much you love her, but the damage this is doing to your relationship.

If my husband refused to have sex with me for 6 years, we wouldn’t be together.