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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lost faith in friendship?

4 replies

DSK2009 · 17/11/2019 08:49

I’m in my twenties and my best friend, who I grew up with, told me she felt we had drifted and weren’t right for each other last week. There had been a few minor issues nothing big had happened at all so I was quite shocked by this, as were my and her other friends - we are a group of four and are all so close. We talk on a group chat daily and I love them dearly. I was really hurt by this conclusion she’s come to, we hadn’t even discussed the issues or tried to resolve them, and when I said we need to she didn’t respond. It made me feel worthless, and I have depression, which has been under control this last year but last year it was rock bottom. This has made me feel like all those things my depression tells me are true - that I am worthless, that I’m a bad person, that people don’t really like me. It hurt a lot.

And now she has said that she just needs to think about how she feels and then we can talk about it. But I feel like it is too late, the damage is done and she’s hurt me so much that I don’t know how I’ll trust that she cares again. I don’t want to lose her, that’s what has been so upsetting about this, but I just don’t know how I can go back from this?

Any advice would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 17/11/2019 09:00

Just get some distance from her. If she's willing to hurt you when you're so vulnerable, she isn't doing you any good at the moment.

Those things are not true. People can come and go as the time for those relationships to work is fluid throughout our lives. Sometimes it's the right time for some friends and sometimes it's not.

I had a very similar situation a few years ago with a friend of mine and we had to let each other go. We didn't see or speak to each other for 3 years. I happened to bump in to her husband and I realised I missed her so I wrote to her telling her I missed her and we reconnected. It might never be how it was again but that break was much needed or our relationship would quite possibly have been irrevocably damaged because it wasn't the right time for us to be friends.

loveyoutothemoon · 17/11/2019 11:05

Even the very minor things, what were they? She may see them as bigger things.

DSK2009 · 20/11/2019 12:33

I think I’m going to have to do this. After a few days of nothing (she said she needed time) she messaged and said that she was ready to talk. So we did, but the thing is I poured my heart and soul out (or it felt like it) and everything she said was matter of fact, little emotion. She’s not making me feel like she really does want me in her life. It’s coming across that it would just be easier for the sake of the group to be civil. I think I’m going to have to say she was right in the first place, because this has sent me right back to feeling like I did last year, worthless and depressed. Friends shouldn’t make you feel like that surely? Why do I still feel like I’m in the wrong? Like it was easier when it was her choice not to talk?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 20/11/2019 14:39

Bollocks to her, she doesn't matter, you matter and she's being shit so protect yourself.

Do something to make yourself feel like you've achieved something just for you. It could be anything, do something to make you feel proud of yourself.

I really enjoy going to the cinema by myself, it's empowering. And I worked my way up to also having a meal before or after the film too, also by myself.

Once you're comfortable and happy in your own company, you'll realise how little people like your "friend" matter.

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