What a mess

[Crossroads19]

Hi ladies,
I need some help.
I have read hundreds of threads but still can't make out my situation.
DH and I, together 15 years, DC involved.

18 months ago he crossed a line in terms of acceptable behaviour towards me. I have continued to do my usual, try to fix all wrongs/difficulties between then and now.

Last week we had a discussion which he told me what a bad person I am, again.
He does this a lot, without accepting responsibility for his part.
I've told him I can't continue in this cycle, I work hard, try to be a good mum, wife, but I don't want to continue a relationship with someone who just doesn't like me.

He says he does and loves me, but we just keep going around in circles.
I feel like I am done but I feel so guilty for blowing my little family apart.
I could really do with a handheld. I'm goi6to have to be so strong.

You will have to be strong, yes. But you're already strong. How could you have survived his years of abuse otherwise?

Do you want to tell us more about the situation?

Handholding

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a couple of days then start looking at options. You don’t have to do anything straight away but counselling might be a good start. So might Lundy Bancrofts book and the freedom programme

Wishing you well

It sounds so hard. I'm sorry x

I really identify with you saying you can't be with someone who just doesn't like you. I ended up realizing that with my ex. It's so hard because even though they dont like you... they also dont want you to go, and to change the way things are...

But for me I realized he was killing me, emotionally, just really slowly.

You will have to be really brave.

It will be ok in the end. Sending you love xx

My STBXH was like this. It was always me in the wrong. He could never do anything wrong at all, never apologise, everything was my fault. Escaping living like that is liberating, no matter how hard it is to do. It will be worth it and slowly you will get your life back. Do not feel guilty. The way to be a brilliant mum is to look after yourself physically and mentally first so that you can give more of yourself to your kids.

Stop wasting time in a shit relationship. Seriously, life is too short. I promise you that all of this negativity and dysfunction is damaging your children.

Hearing you mention the cycle really made me sad, because that was my life for the many years of my marriage. I could have written your post 5 years ago (although by that time, I think I had more clarity that I ultimately had to leave him).

Now I am free. Legally divorced. It wasn’t easy, in fact leaving an abusive marriage has tested me more than any other challenge in my life, but I can tell you without question it was 100% worth it.

As PP have said — life is too short. Be happy. Start to put out feelers and give yourself time to make plans. Detach
and observe (easier said than done, I know)... Your DC will thrive. Whatever he says, you’re a good person — listen to your inner voice. I wish I had so much earlier

Thank you ladies. I love him so much but I know deep down that he will continue to do this and he has broken me. It hurts so much but I know the time has come

He hasn't broken you love. He's wounded you. And that wound might leave a lifelong scar, but it doesn't mean you're broken or defective. Ask
any medical professional. Scar tissue is FUCKING TOUGH!