Sister in law seems to dislike me?!

[Mummyxo18]

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 6years, married for 2 and we have a wonderful daughter. He was married before and has a daughter with his ex wife who is friends with his sister.
My only problem with this is that my SIL has never really tried to have a relationship with me, I would also see things being indirectly said on Facebook about me between SIL and ex wife. My husbands family never attended our wedding and my SIL has met her niece once in a year but has visits with my step daughter and regular contact. She has just had a baby of her own and has asked we meet her son. But I just don’t feel comfortable seeing that she classes the ex wife as her SIL and is calling her auntie to her son?
Am I wrong to feel weird about this?

That’s what I didn’t understand?! I work with people who fast for Ramadan and we have friends who attend weddings and carry on as normal. Where we went for our dinner in the evening was fasting too and said he’d make my father in law welcome and would break his fast with him. Even after knowing that he still refused. My husband believed it was mainly because my father in law likes to control a lot of things and the fact he didn’t have a say is a result of him not coming.
My step daughter has a traditional Arab name which was forced upon my husband and his ex. Whereas I said I wanted a name I chose. She’s my child and seeing as my husband isn’t a practising Muslim and his mother is half Irish she can be named what we want. I think my MIL would’ve liked if we gave her a traditional Irish name but she knows not to push.

*the owner was fasting too

He probably deep down feels like he's failed for not 'passing on' the religion and is having a little strop to ventilate it. Ignore

Wish you all the best x

You lost me at bubby🤢 it might be something as simple as that, you get on her nerves as you baby talk to/about DCs? It is something that gets up my nose & I would avoid too as we'd just be different people.

Putting that aside, you have all of this angst over something you have absolutely no control over, why bother. You've also witnessed her bitching about you, why bother putting yourself in a situation we're you witness that, it's only ever going to wind you up.

Back away, stop chasing a relationship that isn't going to happen as her loyalty is obviously to her friend, who unless you were the OW, happens to be your DPs ex. if you were the OW, you reap what you sow. Stop torturing yourself, block them on social media & just stuck yo platitudes when you do meet & get on with your life

I’d agree with you there but she hardly knows me or speaks to me so I think just the fact my husband isn’t with the ex gets up her nose. And you have no idea what the ex is like who has constantly put shit in my way. She’s one of those women who hardly has her daughter and was bitching at me because I wouldn’t look after her daughter overnight when I had been with my husband for 3months.. I was never the OW.
My SIL is friends with the ex and doesn’t like her husband has moved on. She’s never given me a chance.
So quite frankly I give up now.
People seem to think it’s ok for her to treat someone who’s never done her any harm in a way that makes them feel isolated.
If that’s how it is then fine. I’ve never wanted to be her best friend and I still don’t. Just dont treat my child like dirt and expect me to run as soon as you have one

*her brother has moved on

Think I’ll give up. Thinking back I’d rather not have anything to do with her. I never knew they were friends or “close” until I saw them sniggering off at my husbands daughters birthday party. Which is funny considering before then my SIL used to slag the ex off rotten behind her back. So fuck it I’m done.

Mummy, they really do sound toxic as hell, sounds like you are well out of it & keeping a wide birth from SIL does sound a better plan than winding yourself up chasing rainbows.

I wouldn't really judge you for your use of baby words, I might shudder silently as I don't personally like it, but I wouldn't take against you. I was just making a point, though an invalid one given your update.

As the old saying goes, you can't flog. A dead horse so why bother trying.

I wouldn't advise tit for tat, you ignore my DC, I'll ignore yours as the DCs suffer then too, plus it makes you as bad as her.

I'd be ill in the day your invited to meet the baby & send DH on his own & just keep a polite uninterested distance from now on

I think you are being unrealistic.

You had a bad relationship with sil since forever. Now that you both have babies you tried to make an effort to get to know her. Unsurprisingly, it went down in flames.

Sil was never into you. Forcing a relationship because she is extended family and babies is a recipe for disaster.

Drop the rope. Stop.

May I ask why your dh's first marriage break down?

Some religious families (of any religion) have a problem with divorce and the sister in law has chosen the ex in her childish games instead of even trying to like her brothers new wife. You will never get through to her. The only way would be if the ex told the sil that she likes you and wants to be friends. And I dont imagine that will happen.

Why does nobody correct the wrong posts on social media that say bad things about you? Does your husband not get involved? If not perhaps you should follow his example and stay the hell away.

Heartbreaking but there you have it.

Some people pass themselves off as being lovely and welcoming and can’t see how what they are doing is wrong and everyone should just get along for the kids, but inside they are just twisted bitches. They won’t change. No matter what you do. Even if you have one of them a kidney to save their life you wouldn’t get any thanks. Sorry OP. You deserve better.

How is the relationship between your DH and SiL, it can’t be great if she rejects one of his children and his wife?

Thanks ladies!
I’m not really interested in a relationship with her and of course I won’t hold it against her son. Not his fault.
I just wanted to know if I was the one who was being out of order for finding it a bit strange.
I’ll just be civil as I can. My husband keeps a distance from his sister because he feels there’s no loyalty to him and in his own words his sister is a immature two faced cow.

I don’t use baby talk of words often mind you😂but you might openly suffer if you saw how my SIL spoke to grown women like their little girls and going on about her besties for life - who she then drops like a hot stone the next month. She’s just childish and as my husband has said before they’re as bad as each other so let them get on with it.

Their marriage ended because they should never have got together in the first place. He met his ex two months later she was pregnant then they married 2 years later and split 9 months after their wedding. They would argue all the time, ex would wind him up and on a few occasions she used to physically hit him aswell. Tried strangling him whilst holding their child. Even now they can hardly be in the same room and his ex just loves to cause problems where she can. I was always civil towards her until she started having it for me because I didn’t do what she wanted regarding their child.

My husband would ask his father to speak to his sister about removing posts on social media. Which caused arguments between them so she probably blames me for that too.
My SIL is just like Kevin and Perry. It was embarrassing to watch her sulk and throw tantrums at pushing 30 because she would be asked to help clean up after dinner or whatever. She’s only in the last year moved out of her parents house and still acts like a child.

I’ll take the advice and run a mile I reckon...

It’s not great, it really angers him especially when he hears his ex has been lurking around in the background. It’s a weird situation because both the ex and SIL deny that they have anything to do with each other🥴

I might also add that my father in law was diagnosed with prostate cancer and in June was told he is terminal and my SIL cut contact with him the year before because she moved out of their house without telling her dad. And in the last year has had constant arguments with him. When my husband has told her to drop the shit and support their father her answer was always “I’m pregnant, he’s not made no effort and has caused me stress making my pregnancy difficult”.

Yikes she sounds awful I personally wouldn’t want my child around somebody like that. I’d be vague and polite eg ‘yes must come and visit, will arrange soon’ but never get around to it, before you know it years have passed. I would focus on your family and PIL (since you have a good relationship with them generally) If the social media posts continue then I’d just block her, try not to waste time and energy on people like that.

Your sil likes and is best friends with the physically abusive ex-wife

Red flag.

That’s what I’m working on just concentrating on the people who actually care and aren’t weird. Massive red flag....that’s why I find it so strange she’s “friends” the ex. No matter how much I got on with someone I’d never be friends with them if I knew they had been abusive towards any of my family

*with the ex

My in-laws have never warmed to me because I'm just a different person to them. They are very insular and live in each other's pockets, they always have done. GMIL is very much the Matriarch with MIL being next in line. All is done to their requirements and whims.

I have a small family and we are spread around the place, in different countries and so I'm used to distance and not seeing my loved ones for longer periods of time, I find the constant need to talk, text, visit, gossip very claustrophobic. I am
also not down with this idea of changing my plans to suit another's whims.

My SIL, however, has a boyfriend who has been welcomed into the family with open arms because he very much fits in with the tight-knit type of family they are. He defers to MIL and SIL on everything.

Maybe that's just the case here, maybe the ex is just more "their sort of person" than you. I wouldn't take any of it personally, or force a relationship. Just carry on being polite, friendly, remembering birthdays etc - remember, you married your husband, not his sister and whilst it's nice to have a relationship with the in-laws it's not required to love them or have them love you.

I totally get where your coming from. I see my immediate family once or twice week. Text every now and then but I’m a bit of an introvert. Whereas my husband and his family are the opposite. My MIL keeps herself to herself so we’re similar in that way. But I love my own space when I can get it.
I like my in laws but I’m not obligated to love them and same goes for them, my MIL is very fond of me though so thats nice.
My husband was like you’re an auntie now but I don’t feel like that personally. To me my SIL has had a baby and that’s it. Same with my step daughter unfortunately, she is just my husbands child we don’t see her enough for me to class her as more. Haven’t had the best time with her either due to the ex but we have a friendly relationship and I feel more like a friend than anything else.

I gave up along time ago trying to have relationships with certain people.