DP won’t have sex with me.

[SexlessBoulderBelly]

I’m 32 weeks pregnant, and ever since about 15 weeks DP isn’t interested in sex.
I’ve asked him if it’s the fact my body is changing and he said it’s not, he is worried about hurting me or the baby. I did the whole “it totally safe, google it!” In a desperate plea to get some eventually. I thought after our chat he may try... so at about 20 weeks I made my move and he didn’t follow through and it ended in a bloody handjob and me with nothing. He did apologise off his own back and again expressed he is worried.

I’ve tried talking to him again today and have said I want to try and have sex again as after baby is here I’m going to be sore and bleeding for a number of weeks so it really will be impossible to do it then, so I want to try and keep our sex life alive until then at least. He seemed happy that I’d given him the facts about how sex is safe in pregnancy, that if I get any pain or bleeding then we won’t do it again. But it’s unlikely so not to worry. He said he would jump in the shower after dinner and we can get an ‘early night’

We have dinner at 6 and he’s been downstairs watching telly and playing his game for hours. Now he’s just come up and said how exhausted he is and that he’s been falling asleep downstairs. It’s a blatant excuse and I couldn’t hide the fact I’m disappointed so I said “oh ok so no sex tonight either then” and he just said “well you haven’t had your bath yet” I have, while he was watching telly.
So he said he would jump in the shower. It’s now 25 minutes later and the shower is still running.

I might as well just go to sleep hadn’t I? Is this my life now? I am, not to sound crass, incredibly bloody horny at the moment.

Hormones are flying and I’m on the brink of crying about my sexless life. Help me stay positive or give me some advice on how we can get back to where we were 20 weeks ago at least?:(

Don't take it personally - everyone is different. A lot of men feel like that - it has nothing to do with finding your pregnant state unappealing.

Have a wank?

@rolytheRhino.

It’s not the same, I’m starting to feel sorry for my vibrator. I want real actual sex, a wank is great as a ‘I’m bored after reading 3 pages of a book’ but I want the intimacy too.. that and my pink silicone friend won’t slap me arse and tell me what’s what

Well in that case, my sympathies. I wouldn't advise you try and force the issue though. If he's not into it he's not into it unfortunately. Plus, if he struggles to stay in the mood because he doesn't actually want to do it you may end up with a failure to perform which can take a fair bit of time to recover from, if the Guardian Lifestyle section is to be believed.

I've been through this and just wanted to say that afterwards, we went back to normal fairly quickly I think and if anything, the sex and intimacy was better. I know that's not helping the immediate problem but I think subconsciously my husband just couldn't get over the baby or my body or whatever it was while I was pregnant. He never said as much and I think he probably wanted to have sex but he was overthinking it. I'm pregnant for the second time now and it's been much better, I think he got over it.

I totally feel you OP! I’m in the same boat. I tried it with my dp tonight infact and he said he wouldn’t be doing it as in so heavily pregnant. I could of pressed the matter but I don’t want to make him feel like crap and make myself feel rejected by him as i do feel he has a valid point. We haven’t had sex since about 16 weeks either and I’m now 38 so it’s been ages but have my fingers crossed for return of a healthy sex life once I am back to normal down there.

As the pp suggested, do it yourself, but I do understand the lack of intimacy and the need to feel close to someone.

Lovehoney.com

I had 4 pregnancies and my husband was the same with all of them. As soon as the bump was visible he couldn't bring himself to have sex with me.

It's all fine now but at the time he just found it too strange.