I’m so lonely being a single mum.

[HC93]

I have been a single mum for the last 2 and a half years after leaving an emotionally and on one occasion physically abusive relationship. I have since been working on myself and overcoming the effects that this previous relationship has had on me, but unfortunately there is some trauma I will never overcome.
I have dated more people than I can count since feeling ready to find someone again, but only on 2 occasions have I felt a true connection to someone and felt that I trusted them enough to pursue something more serious. Unfortunately that has not been reciprocated.
Until recently I have been extremely happy being on my own, but it’s getting to a point now where spending every single evening in on my own whilst DS is in bed is becoming extremely lonely. It also doesn’t help that all of my friends are getting married so my social life is slowly declining.
Although I do not regret leaving my relationship, I miss having someone to share experiences with. I do everything alone which is slowly making me not want to do anything at all - Catch 22 situation.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

I'm not but 1000s are and I'm sure they'll be along soon. I just didn't want this to go unanswered and this will keep it active. I know it's hard but I think you have to keep living your life, getting our into it as much as you can, dating when you can and eventually something will click!

Thank you

Yes I totally understand. I'm in the same situation. I don't know what the answer is, I just can't do online dating.

I keep meaning to do some activities/ join some groups but trying to build up the courage to go alone is taking some time.

So sorry, no answers, but sympathy x

Yup I feel you. I've only been single for a couple of months and like you I left an abusive relationship. Although I don't miss a lot of it I do miss the evenings in together, it's so lonely not having someone to have an adult conversation with. Could you take up a hobby in the evening? Do you have an family near by that could sit with little one at night so you could start a class in the evening? X

I’m also in your position. I’m in my mid forties and tbh I can’t be bothered with looking for anyone. I get lonely sometimes but I also value my space, my time with my dd and the fact that I don’t have to compromise or have to deal with negotiating a blended family. I would have liked to have found someone to share my life with however it hasn’t worked out.

The hard part is carrying the mental load for everything but I’ve never had a relationship where that was shared with a partner instead I had to pick up their stress as well! I’m obviously useless at picking men so I’m best off as I am. And I’m pretty happy with the person that I am now, that took some work, to figure out that I don’t need a relationship to make me whole, I’m already a complete person. I hope things work out for you and you find what you are looking for

I'm not a parent but I've been single over 9 years. And I've another friend, not a parent, whose been single over 11. So don't think it's just single parents who get lonely or that being a single parent makes dating harder. I'm afraid life just is what it is and luck has a lot to do with it.

It’s really hard. Busy and noisy all day, then comes 8/9pm and it’s complete silence. It’s not like we can go for a walk, go to the cinema or join friends for a drink.
If you can rely on family to babysit and give you the odd night off, that would help you reconnect with your friends, maintain your social network alive.
I can completely understand the loneliness. Big hug your way.

@isaidaflip those first months after leaving are the loneliest, but once you begin to find yourself again you will enjoy being on your own. This is exactly what happened to me, except I’ve done a full circle now
At the moment I don’t have any free time as I’m in my finals at university, but I finish in a matter of weeks so once I gain some free time back this might be something I’ll look in to! Thanks

@Zofloramummy everything you’ve said I completely resonate with!! Except for I’m 26
I agree that there are so many aspects of being a single mum that are great! And I am so happy with the person that I am today! There’s just this void, but like you I am also terrible at picking men so maybe it’s for the best that I am on my own haha!

@LittleWing80 that’s it! You have no option but to stay in.
My parents babysit all week whilst I’m at uni so I very rarely ask for them to babysit for anything else unless it’s a special occasion for example. But my DS dad does have him every other weekend so once I’m done with uni I’ll be able to make use of that. Only thing is where do you go on your own

@Iris27 online dating is definitely worth a shot. Clearly I’ve had no luck in finding a relationship (haha!) but I have made a couple of really great friends. And on the plus side, even if the person you’re going on a date with turns out not to be for you, you’ve had a fun day/evening out getting to know someone new and experience something different with

I'll be back later. But yes. Totally understand.