I'm really struggling; but this is long and I've rambled so please bear with me...
Since my marriage ended (not through my choice) 4 years ago, I feel like my life has spiralled out of all control.
Everything has gone from bad to worse, I had to sell the marital home, got into debt and moved back in with my toxic parents with my 4 young dc's.
Now in a relationship and living together, he has 2 dc's, one with serious behavioural issues, who causes lots of issues for us as a family. Although my job is in mental health so I do provide a lot of support to my partner and school etc
I feel so trapped, unhappy, and ashamed that I'm living in a relationship that is purely because it provides my children with a stable -ish home.
I admit I maybe moved too soon, as I saw it as a way to get away and out of my parents.
My partner is ok, he charmed me at first with his personality and promises, but has really become complacent regarding the relationship, I now feel like the unpaid help.
Although he does try if we talk and I share how I feel, he'll change for around a couple of weeks and put in lots of effort but it soon reverts back to work being the number one focus.
I'm not head over heels in love, and I feel so guilty about this.
Our main arguments are about parenting, i have routines, boundaries and consequences and I've worked hard at this.
He admits he had been a Disney dad, and has had nothing in place, even down to not teaching his 8 & 10 yr old how to use a knife and fork and sit at the table, or to wait until it's safe to cross roads. This disrupts is a lot, he believes he needs to spend every second with his children (he shares 50/50 custody) when he has them, and so all the household chores get left to me.
I just don't know what to do, in theory I could really save hard for a few months and move out, but I'm worried about moving the children again, the uncertainty of renting and universal credits etc and my debt.
He would be very upset also.
This is vs a life of stability with partner who despite his faults does provide.
I crave to be alone, to have time with my children alone and to have the space I had whilst being a single mum.
But on the other hand, it's really comforting not to worry about the tiniest bill and having a roof over our heads.
I realise that this is a first world problem in the grand scheme of things, but I would really appreciate some advice