How do you know when it's done ?

[Mumof3dogs]

Been married over 25 years and the past few have been torture
Been yelled at tonight and told to f**ck off yet again
.Do others just ignore this kind of shit and just accept this or should I start packing my bag ??

You know the answer already, don't you. Sorry you're having such a shit time.

I would contact Womens Aid or your local domestic violence group when you are safe to do so as well as seeking legal advice re starting divorce proceedings.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Make plans to leave and do not put yourself through being abused like this any longer. Make 2020 a better year for yourself by freeing yourself from your abuser. Do you have children, if so would you want them to have a relationship like yours is, no you would not. Its not good enough for you either and no, you did not drive him to do this to you either in case he says you drove him into saying such things. This is all on him.

You know you're done when you post this on Mumsnet.
I think you know the answer because people who are happy don't contemplate weather they're happy.

Indeed - by posting I already answered the question didn't I ?

This is not how everybody else is living. And you shouldn't be either.

This isn't the way a marriage should be, not a new marriage or a long one.

I've been married for 20 years and yes, over the years we've had arguments, (more disagreements than arguments to be fair) but never yelling and certainly not telling one another to F off.

If it's got to this stage, it's best to consider being apart.

I think you know it's time to go when you're asking strangers on the internet for permission. I hope you're ok x

You can do this. I was married for almost 20 years and thought I was stuck forever but I’ve been on my own for 2 years now. It really can be done. Good luck to you.

You only get one go on this earth, don’t waste any more time being miserable OP,

I feel to have made a big step forward in putting this out there .
Now to start thinking about next steps to be taken .
Any tips gladly received .
Let's see if DH even remembers what he said or maybe apologizes this morning..

What you do next really depends on your current financial and life situation.

Do you own your home? and could you buy him out or would you need to sell it or could he buy you out?
Are you able to rent privately in the mean time are all things that need thinking about.

Do you have a close friend or relative you could stay with while you decide what's next? Or do you have children and want to stay in the home?

I feel once he realises your intentions he may not make things easy for you so maybe make some plans so you can leave once he's aware of the situation if this is an option.

I would suggest talking to a friend or family member who knows you and your situation as they will be in a better position to advise you than strangers who really don't have anything to go on and I'm sure there's only so much you want to reveal on here.
Don't be afraid, it's daunting but there's so much more to life than this.

Did he apologise this morning?

In your planning for the next step in your life I would encourage you to spend Christmas with people who will appreciate you and show you love and gratitude. I speak from experience, I went and spent Christmas Day helping at a homeless shelter it was one of the happiest Christmas days I've ever had.

I've just escaped a 21 year marriage and me and kids doing great.
Yes we don't have spare money. But we smile now. And not been any shouting or swearing since we moved out 5 weeks ago.

When you sit and dread her walking in the door then you know it's time up. Never had a wobble and I know it's the right thing to have done as every one of us were utterly miserable.

My ex wife doesn't agree, but she'll be happier in long run I'm sure. Everyone's a winner.
No more exuses. Just do it.

I did get an apology this morning as did other family members
He seems to acknowledge that he messed up big style. He is also very lucky that I wasn't able to drive last night or I would have just got in the car and gone to my DD's house.
My DCs are all grown up . We currently rent a house but plan to buy in a year or so.
He is working - on a short term contract and I currently don't work as I have been dragged all over due to his jobs.
I know I could move in with my DD short term but think I would be better renting my own house, so I have plans to make with goals for a brighter new year .
MN makes me realise that life is for taking- not putting up with . ..