How to talk about this if the results are bad?

[wishywashy27]

I've posted about this under another name just in case it sounds familiar.

So shortly after dp and I got together I had a sexual health screen that came back clear. It was a home test. I've since experienced a few odd symptoms and went to my GP about it. They did a vaginal swab for chlamydia, gonorrhea, BV and thrush. Again all came back clear. But symptoms persisted - nothing massively uncomfortable and it comes and goes but still there.

So I turned to google and it looks like some of my symptoms are similar to the sti Trichomoniasis - id never even heard of it and it turns out it isn't routinely tested for anywhere but a GUM clinic. So I've booked to go next week to find out once and for all. Honestly don't know what else it could be as everything else seems to have been excluded.

I'm not too worried about going for the appointment but I'm worried about the chat I might have to have with dp if it does turn out to be this. How on earth do you bring it up? It's not that I'm not comfortable with him but it will still be mortifying! I don't want it to turn into a blame game of who had it first or anything. Also how will he get treated? Will he have to go get tested too? Or will they issue him medication based on the fact I have it? Still hoping it isn't that an sti. Tried to do the sensible thing by getting tested to begin with and now it seems like this sti nobody knows about hardly gets looked into or mentioned :(

Anyone have any advice or reassurance?

I think you need to talk about it now. If there's any possibility you have an STI, you need to use a condom.

@MissEliza at this stage it's probably a bit late for that. We don't use condoms because I presumed all was clear. I'd never even heard of this and it isn't tested for by a GP or on the full screen home test kits. I don't really understand why.

Anyone have any advice? I'm really stressing about it

I'd just tell him that you've had some odd symptoms lately and you're going to get it checked out, in case it's something that hasn't been picked up by routine testing.

Then if you're positive for this STI, he's had some form of warning, but not been worried unduly if it's negative.

It’s quite an uncommon sti I believe. It’s much more common in other countries though. Also I guess because it can be totally without symptoms maybe it’s underreported.

From what I've read it isn't routinely tested for as it doesn't pose the same significant health risks as others Sti's. I think it's still tested for in pregnancy as it can affect birth weight. I split with my dc dad and only had two partners since so if it's this it's likely it's come from dp. Not that I will tell him that. I'm really hoping it isn't this...

Did you post about this a week or so ago, too? If so, surely he knows you're having symptoms and therefore wouldn't be too surprised if you were diagnosed with something?

To be honest it's never going to be any easy conversation, but it shouldn't be the worst thing ever. You'll know what it is, and how to treat it, so just tell him that. You don't know where it's come from, it could have been from him...

Are you using condoms now, in the meantime?

We haven't dtd for quite a while tbh, i haven't felt like it unsurprisingly and we've both been really busy with work and other stuff. I'm wondering if he'll have to go to the clinic if i turn out to be positive or whether they'll just issue medication based on me having it. I've heard it's quite tricky to test for in men.

Sorry to set this one off again - just wondering if anyone who works in sexual health can answer this question. If I'm found to have Trichomoniasis will my partner have to go get tested himself or will they issue the antibiotics to him just because I tested positive? I see conflicting information online.

I think it just is what it is. If its positive, its something that has gone undetected and now youve found out when symptoms have arisen. Doenst matter where it came from if you trust yoir relationship, i guess one of you brought it with you. It happens. You would both need treating. Shouldnt have to be a horrible conversation really. It is what it is, and you couldnt have known.

@Startingoveragain1 Yeah you're right. I certainly don't want to place blame anywhere and I'm sure he wouldn't either. If I knew it was as simple as me getting tested and then getting medication for both of us (if necessary) i would be so worried. Just don't want to have to tell him that he's got to go get tested too...

It might not come to that... so don't stress over the unkown... if it is positive. You just tell him the truth, how fucked off you are about it, and how wrong it feels and how crap it all is and that hey, you both need to be treated for it to be safe, and fuck knows where its come from as you havent had that many partners and how nasty it is you got something like that (its not nasty though, stds happen all the time, it only takes sleeping with one person once without protection) but i hope you know what i mean... :) really no need to torture yourself. If he is a grown man, he will know all this anyway. Not nice to swallow but it shouldnt be a massive deal. Get treated, move on. Dont feel bad about it at all please.

I would just be honest, tell him you have booked the appointment because the symptoms are persisting. There is no way of knowing where it has come from so no point playing the blame game.

Thanks. To be honest I was considering cancelling the appointment. I'm so worried about this. I know we're both clear of the common STIs and since this isn't even routinely tested for or 'serious' in terms of health complications I told myself I'd just live with it. The symptoms aren't severe. But I know if I don't face it it'll just play on my mind.

Hi OP, It may also not be Trichomoniasis.. I had somethubg similar to you a few yeaes.ago and i was convinced i had either thrush or an STI but all tests came back clear.. Turned out i just had serious irritation/inflammation (possibly fron lots of sex after a long period of not having any!) and it calmed down eventually. So it's worth getting tested but it may be nothing.

@shivermetimbers77 that's reassuring to hear. I think I'm just thinking Trichomoniasis because it seems like everything else has been ruled out. And one of the key symptoms keeps coming up under trich. I am of course holding out hope that it's not this! But I don't feel very positive about it and I know once I know for sure I have a moral obligation to tell dp. Which will be shit.

Hi OP, try not to worry about it too much. As others have said your symptoms could be anything and you’ll only know by going to the GUM clinic. If it is Trichomoniasis you will need antibiotics for about a week and your partner should be tested and treated.

All you are doing is the responsible thing. A lot of couples go to their GUM clinic on an annual basis as a sort of sexual health MOT. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I should just discuss it with himin a matter of fact sort of way. Tell him you’ve had these symptoms, you’re going to get things checked out as it might be Trichomoniasis. He might even suggest going with you.

More info here www.nhs.uk/conditions/trichomoniasis/

@over50andfab Thank you, I've read no end of information about it. I need to know for my own peace of mind but I'm so worried about telling dp. I know he won't make me feel bad but he's not exactly going to be happy either especially if he has to get tested. Would be so much easier if I could get medication for us both

@wishywashy27 at the moment you don’t know what it is. However if it was my DP I would expect him to be taking responsibility over his own health and taking himself off to the GUM clinic - or go with me to get tested and treated. Whilst it is irrelevant who had it first, you should not be expected to do it all just to save him from what I think you feel is embarrassment of going into a GUM clinic.
People go in there for all sorts - my DD went there for her contraceptive pill, a friend had her a Mirena coil put in there.
It also gives you both the opportunity to get tested for any other STIs while there. Some remain dormant over time, and can also have a window period.
Don’t be worried - and don’t shoulder all the responsibility If it is trichomoniasis.