Should I leave him?

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We’ve had our struggles for a while now. Always arguing. Different outlooks. Different ways etc.
I’m very outdoorsy, like to look after myself, do anything for my son, put my sons needs before my own, want to explore the world etc.

He’s very umm. He likes the outdoors as long as it’s within a 5 miles radius. I have to remind/ ask him to brush his teeth. He doesn’t put his 4 kids first and puts himself before them. He doesn’t value anything and would happily plod through life doing exactly what hes doing now without a change.

This has made me think now.
My sister lives in Australia and I’ve never been able to afford to go there.
I’d really like to go to obviously see her and see the rest of the world.
I asked him to come with me thinking it would be something great to do together and he just shrugged and said it doesn’t appeal to him. He’s happy where he is. (He’s not scared of flying)

It made me realise how different we actually are. How we both want different things.

I don’t know if I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to share life’s experiences with me.

Am I being selfish ??

No.
Go.

You should leave him. You’re not being selfish. It’s fine for a couple to be into different things but you have to share some common ground and it doesn’t sound like you do.

No you’re not being selfish. If you’ve really tried to make it work and it won’t, then yes , leave.

Another post from someone who thinks her husband is a shit but still has 4 children with him. Why?
There must have been something about him you liked at one time.

I assume the children are not together

The children arnt mine.
I have one he has 4

I’ve been with him 3.5 years.
Yes he used to make me the happiest person alive. I was head over heels in love with him.

Then a couple years ago he changed. He became “boring. Lazy. Not bothered about anything “
He doesn’t have depression as I’ve thought about that and according to the mother of his kids this is what he’s actually like. It’s just who he is now.

He developed a gambling addiction 1.5 years into our relationship. But I didn’t find out until a year later. I supported him to sort that out and he has. After that this is who he is.

So yeah people change. He was this amazing caring guy and now he’s selfish, immature and lazy.

I'm more of a plodder than DH and he went on a big trip last year with our DD (then 13). I just didn't want to go to those destinations and neither did DS.

So I'd plan on going and either go alone or consider taking someone else with you. He can look after the DC while you're away, he'll have no choice but to get more involved.

Having said that, I'm not that "ploddy" and will happily do other activities/travel. I do like to try new things, but certain activities and destinations don't appeal.

If your DH is really insular, I can see how that would be a problem if you're adventurous.

The children ask to go to different places like trampoline parks, even just swimming and he won’t take them because he can’t afford to. Because his spare money goes on beers for when he plays snooker twice a week.

I’ve asked him to prioritise and his response is “ fine I won’t have a life then” and has a tantrum. (He’s 44!!)

So if the kids want to do anything I have to pay.

His kids are 20, 11,8,7
And mine is 11. All boys

Why would you stay?!

Yeah I wouldn’t mind if it was just the one place he didn’t want to go.
But this is getting a pattern now.
Wherever I suggest he’ll always have a moan and a “nah why waste money, just stay here” moment.

I want to live my life and make memories not be stuck in the same shit year in year out.

He has absolutely nothing but the clothes on his back. The house is mine. Car is mine. All the furniture I bought myself and when it needs upgrading I buy it myself.

He has absolutely nothing to his name. And he’s ok with that.

So you're subsidising him and his four children?

What's in this relationship for you?

Get rid.

Before you know it 10 years will pass and you’ll resent him for all of the things you’ve missed out on.

OK, this is a far bigger problem than not wanting to go to Australia. He's a lazy git who definitely isn't thinking of his children.

First thing I'd do is stop paying for outings and just go out with your DS when his DC come over - so he'll have to entertain them. It sounds a bit mean to the DC, but he needs to step up and perhaps he'll have to if you're not available.

Would your DS like to go to Australia? He'd probably love it!

I took my son to Australia by myself years ago after coming out of a horrible relationship. It was the most amazing experience, one I will never forget and changed my outlook on life for the better. Got to know my son on a different level. When we returned it made me want to do more exploring here in the UK.

It really opened my eyes... if you can save up and go just do it!!! Your partner sounds like a boring useless drain... dump him!

After the last post... woman, why, WHY Is he still there????

Let him go... he, better said, his attitude, is pulling you back

Does he have ANY good points?

I would leave for the not brushing teeth thing alone tbh.