DH joking

[Belfield]

My DH is always laughing at my expense under the guise that he is only joking. If I complain he says I don't have a sense of humour. My DH seriously exaggerates how much housework he does which implies I don't do much. His friend was around and he was showing him a mop he got for me and his friend said you mean you(my DH) got it for yourself. My husband then told me what he said and they both laughed. My DH hasn't washed the floor since the mop was bought four months ago. I didn't laugh and just said that he hasn't used it once and his friend just laughed and said yeah right. I said it to my DH and he insists he was just joking. Any thoughts? Maybe I am too uptight.

He’s putting a false impression of himself and you out there.
He’s actually a bit of a dick.

Your husband is trying to humiliate you and undermine you in front of others. When you, quite rightly, point out that it is not ok, he says he's 'joking'.

Tell him you're divorcing him because he's far too funny to live with. Tell him to go on tour because the world needs to hear how funny he is.

It's only a joke if both find it funny.

Next time he starts taking the piss out of you in front of his mates, how about joking about how you keep your magnifying glass in the bedroom?

'only joking' covers a lot of shit from my experience...

He doesn't sound very funny OP, hardly the height of wit is it .

Jokes are funny for the intended audience, if they aren't they're just twatty comments designed to make him feel better than you/clever/put you down.

I wouldn't live with a man who didnt do his share of cleaning OP, your existence is worth more than cleaning a house for a man because he thinks men don't have to and women are there to do so.

Wow, this sounds just like my ex husband, who was abusive.

It was always my fault that I didn't find his horrible little digs at me funny. I was too sensitive, I was being over dramatic, it was only a joke.

He never did housework because he never made any mess. It was all my mess, so why should he have to clear up after me? Weird that the house stopped being a mess the day he moved out...

Your husband doesn't sound like a nice person, please don't put up with his nastiness any more.

He bought you a mop ?

Did you ask for one or make an unfavourable comment about the old one that could somehow be construed that you wanted a mop as a gift?

He could at least have got you a Dyson

My ex husband would do that all the time. He had everyone convinced that he did everything while I sat on my arse. It use to wind me right up with everyone telling me how lucky I was when in actual fact he did absolutely f-all.

My husband does a bit of this. He claims to do shit I did. For example recently he was telling some friends about how he hung all the pictures in the house, during a diy conversation. We have a lot of pictures up, he didn't hang one. I hung them all. I just call him out and stick with it till he stops.

I don't understand it at all. I mean I'm sitting right there. Just call him out, and stick with it till he drops it or admits it.

Gary Chapman the love languages expert talks about what it means to joke and tease and that if you don't feel tease/it hurts then it's bullying or shaming or humiliation.

He's humiliating you and that's the stuff of bastards and horrible spouses. One joke once would be funny, to repeatedly put you down to his friends/colleagues/anyone even in front of you is just deeply unpleasant behaviour in anyone-least of all a husband or wife.

He is basically telling everyone I'm lazy if he makes out he does everything. He says that he has never called me lazy but constantly talking about what you do has the same effect in my view. Anyway as far as he is concerned he has done nothing wrong. No apology. I'm too sensitive apparently.

Ah well just stop doing everything for him around the house.
And when he complains just tell him that “My wife is lazy and does nothing” (or whatever he has said to his mates about you). When he objects just say “I thought you liked a joke darling, you’re always telling me you do, turns out you only like a joke at others expense. Good to know. The washing powder is in that cupboard. Happy washing your shirts I’m off to do nothing as I apparently usually do”. Walk away. Say Prick under your breath if you need to!

I think it's a bit of a joke and maybe does your floor need a mop?? Is it dirty ? If not don't worry😄

But you must think you are lazy to get this upset? Otherwise you would laugh it off ?

I just find this very strange. I don't understand how it comes up at all in conversation with anyone. Has he been possessed by Bernard Manning?

'Anyone fancy a drink?' 'Oh, yes please. Did I tell you how lazy my wife is?' 'Not recently, no Dick.' 'Well my wife is sooooo lazy that when she asked me to talk dirty, I said, bathroom, kitchen, living room. Boom Boom tish. Do you geddit? She's so lazy...'

Why is anyone indulging this crap?

@12345kbm

My thoughts exactly .... the new mop ? Is that the show piece of the home ???

If he tries the 'you've no sense of humour line', tell him you have an excellent sense of humour, it lets you tell the difference between what's funny and what's not. And he isn't.

@carolina21 not Lazy. Work ft and maintain house. Always on the go. Not upset cos it's true. Upset cos it's not nice behaviour imo.

@12345kbm usually it comes up when he is complaining about how tired he is. Also when he should do something he explains he can't cos he is so busy and will go into great detail. Some people do that, we all know the person in work who acts like they are practically running the company all by their self.

Next time the floor needs mopping, give him the mop and bucket and tell him that as he tells everyone he does the housework he can fucking well do it! Plus I'd also stop cooking and washing his clothes for him for a time until he sorts his sense of humour out.

I'll make two lists what you do and what he does. Just to know what he actually does.

So he’s allowed to get out of stuff as he’s tired.
Two can play at that game. He’s an arse.

Oh hilarious.

He says he does lots? Well let him...

Hello OP, I never like the 'only joking' defence because it allows any kind of liar or bully or mild or serious abuser to say it was not them and that they did not mean it -'only joking', but that joking is not funny if it hurts someone else's feelings (or a whole family's feelings). They are not joking, but they are destroying people's lives.