For Mums of teenage daughters- especially.

[hls]

My daughter is off to uni in 6 weeks time to do a masters degree.

She has had a boyfriend for about 6 weeks now and announced today that she might go on the pill- either "for him" or just in case she meets anyone else later on.

I am worried. I know she is being sensible, but this is the first real boyfriend she has ever had - she is pretty inexperienced with boys. (Her choice- we haven't put barrier up). He is off to another uni and the odds are it will fizzle out. I suppose my concern is that I don't want her to have casual relationships just because she is on the pill. I also don't think it's a good idea for her to get too serious with this boyfriend, a few weeks before they go away to differnt unis, a long way apart.

I just wanted her to go away to uni footloose and fancy free and have a great time- not be getting involved with someone at home. I also think that 2 months is not long enough before you have a sexual relationship especially at 18, although I know teenagers these days maybe don't wait 2 days nevermind 2 months! Call me old fashioned, but I would be happier if it was a longer-term relationship.

It's good that we are talking about it, but I just feel worried for her that she'll end up hurt.

I have said it is her decision, but I just feel a bit disappointed with her, as I'd hoped she would wit for someone really special - and I doubt if he fits that bill.

errrrr... do youremember being 18?

most girls i remember at uni were sexually active, and being on the pill was vital.

sorry scratch that. all girls i knew at uni were sexually active.

so if she's off to do a masters degree,has she already been at uni to do her first degree?

I think you're lucky that she's telling you she's going on the pill.

All you can do is explain your worries,but don't expect her to change her ways because of them.

She sounds sensible,tell her not to forget a condom aswell though,although she probably already knows that

I didn't wait long before having sex with dh after we met,a few dates and we were at it

Don't think I'm that unusual either.

Oh yes, I remember being 18 - I was in a serious relationship for 3 years, which didn't last, I got very hurt and that's one reason why I am worried for my daughter. In my day ( the 70s) people were sexually active, but not with casual partners- most had been in a relationship for many months or years.

But what does it have to do with being 18? I think that's the point I am trying to make- it's not about giving in to any urge- it's about being selective and not getting hurt, or hurting anyone else.

No she has not already been to uni- it is a 4 year course and she starts this October.

Please don't feel disappointed! She's talking to you, that's so good. Really, pretty much everybody is sexually active by then. And most people quite a few years before.

I suppose the thing I'd be more worried about is STDs which the pill won't protect against. I don't have a teenage daughter but I do have plenty of friends who caught nasty stuff from partners at university. And it isn't the people you expect. One friend found out she'd had chlamydia for several years and she'd only had two partners. Another caught genital warts from her first serious boyfriend.

Didn't mean to sound alarmist! Sorry! I meant that if the subject came up you might like to mention it, etc.

I hope your daughter has fun and doesn't get hurt. But if she does, you will be there for her as your mum, won't you? I had my first serious (and sexual) relationship from 16 to 18, but finished it a couple of months after going to university. It took a few years and a few mistakes to meet dp, but I don't think I would have been ready sooner.

she has told you she is going on the pill i never told my mom!
I waited a cpl of months before having sex with my now dp (of 5years)
and when we got carried away and i had the map i didnt tell my mom!
so obviously she has been very grown up in telling her and you shoulld support this perhaps suggest that the pill does not stop stds/stis and a condom would be better protection if she will be having casual sex!
you should be proud your daughter is taking the protection herself! be easy on her!

I found out my dd was thinking about having sex after one of her friends accidentally texted a message to our home phone instead of her mobile! We had a nice chat and got her on the pill and within days she and her bf had sex.
It is all about being 18 and I was just happy she waited so long.
BUT the most important thing I told her was the pill is only part of the protection and that only a condom will keep her safe.
If everyone is doing it (which come on, they are), then I don't want my dd to share dna with just anyone if you know what I mean.

Thanks for all your replies. Yes, it is good she can tell me- more than I expected. I just think that sex means more to women than men and it should be part of a special, rather long term relationship, not a series of short relationships because I think that can cause alot of hurt on both sides- especially for girls.
I also think that people are under alot of pressure these days to have an active sex life, when maybe holding back is better at times.

We have had the chat about condoms, so she knows about that too.

I am no prude- even if that's how I coming across! I have had my share of partners and an STD which was my own fault when I was 19 - someone I had known for ages but he slept around.

My husband and I got it together very quickly - but I was in my late 20s then and more sure of what my emotions were.

I suppose what I can't get my head round is that young people now don't seem t o think of sex as anything very special- whereas when I was younger it was- and you waited usually until you were "in love" - even if it didn't last!

it still is special for lots of people i made my dp wait (even though i wanted him as much as he wanted me), and im glad i did as it meant he respected me and was serious about me like i was about him!
you were just being a mother not a prude!