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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was he too full-on or is it just me ?

19 replies

Phoenixxx · 16/11/2019 08:06

My mate reckons he was just nice and that 'this is what nice guys are like' and says I like the not so nice guys but..
Met him through Tinder, he seemed very excited, we spoke for about 3 days then met up.

He was sending me 'goodnight' texts before our first date, double texting if I hadn't replied within 2 hours etc.

The night after we first spoke I told him I was going to a concert the following night. (which I didn't end up going to as I got ill !) he messaged me the next morning saying funnily his friend just 'happened' to have a free ticket, could we meet up there etc.

The night before our date I told him I was with my family, and 2 hours later he texted me 'I take it youre still with your family ?'

He was excitable which I understand but I just felt like he really wanted a girlfriend as opposed to liking me particularly. When we met he said his life goal was to move in with someone, which is fine but again I felt like I could have been anyone.

He seemed like a nice person but just didn't feel any spark at all. He wanted to go on to get food but I made an excuse and cut the date short.
5 minutes after I left him he texted me saying 'I could tell we were both really nervous (for once I actually wasnt 😂) next time we will go somewhere where we don't sweat as much, I know X place'.
So he had basically said what we would be doing 'next time' without having agreed to a 2nd date.
I politely declined and he replied 'I could tell you weren't interested right from the start' which was I guess a defense mechanism.

Anyway i'm so out of the loop and used to emotionally unavailable guys, is this is how a guy should be or does he sound like a little too much ?

OP posts:
Fightingmycorner2019 · 16/11/2019 08:09

It’s plain weird , not normal and red flags 🚩 galore
How many of your details does have have ? End it

AdriannaP · 16/11/2019 08:09

Sounds too full on. The concert ticket thing is just weird.

Phoenixxx · 16/11/2019 08:11

He has me on Whatsapp but he doesn't know my surname or anything ! And yeah I did find the concert thing odd 🙄

OP posts:
aHintOfPercy · 16/11/2019 08:12

No this (obviously) isn't how a guy should be. As you say, he just has a girlfriend shaped hole in his life that he's desperate to fill, and as you're female you'll do. He sounds unbearable.

ChristianGreysAnatomy · 16/11/2019 08:13

Urgh. Move on.

Moltenpink · 16/11/2019 08:13

It’s so creepy when guys just want any woman, yuk. He is not a nice guy and your friend is wrong.

Phoenixxx · 16/11/2019 08:16

That's it, I felt like he just needed to desperately fill that void, i'm very glad I didn't go on a 2nd date. And if he's acting like that by text before we have even met, what would he be like in a relationship 🙄

OP posts:
CiliatedEpithilium · 16/11/2019 08:39

You are spot on OP. I would also be inclined to take my friends advice with a pinch of salt too in the future.

Pushyness from the outset is terrifying and objectifying and he sounds beyond needy. Luckily he hasn't yet learned to hide this characteristic so you copped onto him.

newdeer · 16/11/2019 08:42

I'd find that off-putting. But I've done a test of what sort of person I am in a relationship and I'm avoidant - need a lot of space and freedom. Someone like that would make me want to run away screaming.

Fightingmycorner2019 · 16/11/2019 08:45

and says I like the not so nice guys but..

This isn’t nice guy
This is desperate for a girlfriend shag guy

Frankieferocious · 16/11/2019 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phoenixxx · 16/11/2019 08:52

He hasn't texted since which is good, and definitely agree I will keep a lookout for those signs in the future.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/11/2019 08:58

Have a read of the website called Baggage Reclaim as well.

funnylittlefloozie · 16/11/2019 09:16

He doesnt sound evil, just inexperienced and full-on. It wouldnt be for me either, OP. Chalk it up to experience and move on to the next one.

lookatthebabypenguin · 16/11/2019 09:21

Who said he sounded evil?!

Phoenixxx · 16/11/2019 09:25

That Baggage Reclaim site looks excellent for all relationship topics, will definitely use it !
Yeah, i'm sure he is a nice guy (though I only met him once so anyone is capable of acting nice !)
But hope he will tone it down unless he happens to meet someone who is just like him in that respect.

OP posts:
TheTickingTime · 16/11/2019 14:26

My ex kept saying to me that he just wanted to be in a relationship, I did question this, however he was so lonely, so caring and so happy to do just whatever, until he then became violent, cheated and I kick myself for not listening to my gut on his strange behaviour at times, so yes I am with everyone else on here that he is strange, I wish I had known this four years ago

dontalltalkatonce · 16/11/2019 14:31

WAY too full on and creepy!

Ohyesiam · 16/11/2019 14:35

More red flags than menstrual bunting.
Your instincts are good, you’re friend needs looking out for, this really isn’t what god guys do.

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