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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can/should I report historical dv

3 replies

wondering549 · 16/11/2019 00:51

I was in a DV relationship 3 years ago. Mostly emotional and severely verbal. It ended up physical too, was threatened with a knife, hands around neck etc.
I got free and it's taken me years to realise how brainwashed I was and how dangerous he was.
There's no contact now not for years.
I've researched so much about this, I know now he was a narcissist and thank god he discarded me (at the time I completely had a breakdown)
I've learnt a lot about this and trauma bonding.
I don't want to report anything for my own gain, I really don't need the hassle tbh. I've moved on and I'm safe and happy even though single, but independent and got my strength back.
I worry that he's still out there, I know he won't change and he will be doing this to someone else- I know about Claire's law. Is there a way to have it documented to maybe go some way in protecting someone else in the future?
I don't want any come back but I feel the need to protect others somehow.
There's not much evidence of what he did to me - apart from a friend knowing when he attacked me and the police being called but I minimised it at the time.
No kids involved and literally no contact for years. I'm healed but I worry about others now I've realised how manipulative and evil he is.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 16/11/2019 00:56

For me - no I wouldn’t report this situation.
You have moved on ,put it behind you and leave it there .
But it’s obviously bothering you - maybe talk to someone about it to help come to terms with what happened ?

Sally2791 · 16/11/2019 07:10

I would speak to womens aid and police because it is very likely he will be doing the same again and he may take it further.

Anotherlongdrive · 16/11/2019 07:32

I would seek advice (like pp said) from WA and police.

Its admirable you want to report it. But if he is a narcissist, this will bring him back into your life. A true narcissist wont just accept you had a right to go to the police. They will do their best to appear to be the victim, who being a line about how you are obsessed with him and still trying to gain his attention or punish him for finishing it with you.

You need to be kind to yourself and really think about wether your mental health is strong enough to deal with this. Its admirable that you want to protect others, but dint damage yourself in the process.

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