Don't know if the Freedom programme is for me

[WinterIvy]

I'm considering doing it as I know I have some issues but don't know if it's right for me. I've never been in an abusive relationship as such. In fact I've never really had a LT relationship. I've had lots of short intense things, I'm very drawn to emotionally damaged/needy people, I want to rescue them or be rescued, and then i lose interest or it all blows up. I find genuinely caring people boring and I dont trust any one. I have very low self esteem.

I've had enough therapy to come to all these realisations but am still stuck. Could the freedom programme be the next step? Or is it just for women who have had significantly abusive relationships?

My Dad was abusive and I was sexually abused (alot) in my late teens...but not by a partner. I'm 30 if that matters

It sounds like a lot of your issues, including low self esteem, could be due to past trauma. Have you tried EMDR? It has quite a good evidence base. I found it kind of helpful for (less serious) stuff I've experienced.

I was interested in doing the Freedom Programme just so I could avoid being in an abusive relationship, know the red flags etc- I've been fairly lucky so far in not having had a controlling relationship etc- some elements of abuse in relationships, but not many. Unfortunately the one near me is on in the mornings, and I have a disability and don't do mornings!

You can also look at the material online- there are some free sample bits and also you can do it online for £12. I did that and felt good about it as I was also kind of donating to them by doing so. Looking at it online will help you get an idea if it's for you. If you do end up doing it, supposedly having already looked at the material will help rather than hinder you.

I think you know (based solely on what you've written) that your problems are mainly due to stuff you experienced in your childhood/late teens. EMDR would help with those past experiences, including processing subsequent relationships you've had and any drama you went through there. Hugs xxx

P.S. I would want to do the FP- The time/place locally just isn't suitable for me. If you find one that suits you it might be a good idea if you're drawn to it- it certainly sounds interesting IMO, but being in/having been in an abusive romantic relationship isn't my personal main issue.

Personally I think it should be taught to all young people. What harm would it do you if you do it. Even if you think you don't need it or ever will, I feel it a valuable tool so you can pass on to sisters, daughters or friends.. But that's just my opinion

there is no entrance test for the Freedom Programme
if you can, go and do it- it may not fully address why you are drawn to these sort of people but it will help you identify abusive behaviour and give you some insight into why some men are abusive and controlling. If there isn't one convenient for you there is the online version but it's not as good as being in a group with other women.

Please go! It's an eye opener. I went after reading loads about it, and I felt like a fraud sitting there to begin with. It's not just the content of the course (which is mind blowing) but the peer to peer support which is amazing as well. Was a game changer for me, and I ended up facilitating it for a couple of years. Honestly, it's life changing. I agree that it should be taught to everyone.

Go if you can! It’ll help you process what happened in your childhood, quite a bit of it applies to any situation of abuse. It’s always described as a programme for any woman who wants to learn about abuse (or words to that effect). And we all need to know about abuse.

I did the Freedom Programme online recently because I read about it on here. Have been doing a lot of reading over the years and trying to improve myself but it was a bit of a breakthrough. I grew up with a violent father who hit my mum nearly every day. They're still together. Even though I always said if a man ever hit me I'd leave, I ended up in my own violent relationship. My father and my ex were also emotionally and verbally abusive. I've had a few other crappy relationships/been used etc. The thing that shocked me when I did the Freedom Programme was that I was an expert on abusive men. I knew the tactics, I knew the script off by heart, but I hadn't got a clue how a good man behaves or what a good relationship is like. That might not seem so shocking but I realised that if a guy showed me basic politeness I interpreted it as love and I'd ignore all the shitty behaviour and red flags that came after and I'd keep making excuses for them. I was also a sucker for a sob story/neediness very early on in relationships.

I recommend doing it, but along with other things to help you get out of the patterns you're in.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to look into it! Sorry for everyone who went through abuse...I'm worried that it will make me focus even more on how abusive men (I'm kind of hypervigilent as it is). From those of you who have done it, is that the case? If not why not? Online googling tells me they also teach you about healthy men but does that help?

interestedwoman sorry to hear your story. I tried EMDR and it was only minimally helpful as I didnt have one clear traumatic incident. I'm glad it helped you though and hope you can find a FP soon