You horny?

[NoFun21]

Why is this stock response I get from my STBXH when I express any kindness to him? It seems to be his only way to get close - I don’t even think it’s purely being a sleaze. What I struggle with is how to tell him that with fingers sore from cleaning up after two young kids, feel gross from changing nappies, cleaning up spills etc, emotionally stressed from doing it all alone and horny couldn’t be further from the way I feel. Can any men tell me why he does this- is this because he’s a sleaze or is this a misguided attempt to get close?

Because he wants sex and thinks there is a chance you will comply

I'd guess it's as simple as that, sorry to be blunt but I don't think there will be a massive thought process behind it. In his mind its probably clear that because you've split up it would be no-strings

Oh but there are so many strings. Hit could he think there were none? It seems facile.

I'd be an ex or not?

How could he think that?

We are separated 1.5 years. We have 2 small kids

Next time say “yes, but it’s ok, I have a way of dealing with that later. Anyway back to what I was saying....”

That’s funny MrsGs

STBEX means soon to be ex. I spent ages thinking out meant stupid bastard ex husband.
In your situation i would stop showing kindness.

Do yourself a favour and stop having so much contact with him.

Why don’t you tell or text him exactly this:

“My fingers are sore from cleaning up after two young kids, I feel gross from changing nappies, cleaning up spills etc, I’m emotionally stressed from doing it all alone and horny couldn’t be further from the way I feel.”

It’s hard because he’s very depressed and lonely and I see him each week when he visits children. He had always enjoyed sexting and I used to indulge him although it bored me and I found the way he assumed I could always engage quite arragont . But I do think this is his only way of being intimate- there was never really any other mode of being close with him. I sometimes wonder is he has Aspergers and I wonder if this is related somehow. I am so
desperate for a bit of understanding and real connection and have had a very difficult time so this is just so disappointing.

Presumably also making it clear that even if you were feeling horny, any action wouldn’t be with him, as you have split up.

You’re not going to get that connection and affection from him though. That has to be clear by now? You’re very focussed on what his needs/reasons are. Can you try to shift your focus on to eventually meeting your needs and desires away from your ex?

I'm still confused. If he an ex, separated partner what the hell is he doing asking you if you are horny? Do you still have sex with him. If you do I think you should stop. If you don't then you need to keep conversation to the minimum. Kids, nothing more.

@Ohyesiam You've enlightened me! I've always thought it meant that too!

You say soon to be ex but you are enabling him. You need to cut contact down.

'He had always enjoyed sexting and I used to indulge him although it bored me and I found the way he assumed I could always engage quite arragont'

The joy of him being an ex is, while you might have felt you had to indulge him in the past, (which you shouldn'tve had to anyway) you can now be 100% sure in yourself that you don't have to any more.

Sleaze.

@Ohyesiam I thought this too! Until about a month ago!

OP: I found this article interesting. About how men are raised with little physical touch so sex is often the only place they get that intimacy goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-the-lack-of-gentle-platonic-touch-in-mens-lives-is-a-killer/