Does male co worker like me and is dating off limits?

[Maria53]

I am a 28 year old woman still in my probationary period at work and hit it off with one particular colleague immediately.

I've felt as though he likes me for a while, but you can never be completely sure. He always talks to me and maintains a conversation at work. Then today we had a team activities day and over the course of 8 hours we never let the other's side. He stayed close to me and bought me drinks. We have a lot in common and laugh together lots etc. At the theatre we sat with our arms touching most of the time. We were basically together for those 8 hours and when I finally went to chat to other colleagues he left!

We don't work together directly but do work in the same open space. But I noticed my line manager glare at me when she walked past at one point. The company directors (who are married!) on the other hand weren't at all bothered.

Is it a complete no go? Should I filter him as a friend in my head? If we weren't working together I would 100% like to date him. But I do need this job and he pay is good!

I think as long as you keep it outside of the office then there's no reason why you shouldn't date. If you don't you may be single in 10 years wishing you'd put your life before work. Yes if you do split up it would be awkward, but I think it's worth the risk.

If your line manager was giving you funny looks, bear in mind they may have had a prior relationship. You really dont want to start off by upsetting your line manager.

Assuming you dont have an explicit policy about it, there is nothing wrong with dating co-workers. You just have to be a bit of a grown-up and keep displays of emotion out of the office.

Incidentally a friend of mine met a woman he really liked while they were both working in a bank with a total ban on co-worker dating. He changed jobs! They've been married 14 years now.

I met my DH at work. He was my supervisor. Been married 8 years now and have 2 DC. It can happen and does work!

I love this! Go for it. Be professional and see how it goes. Sounds like you have a real connection. Don't let him be the one that got away but have an agreement where if it goes wrong it's not going to cause problems at work.

I think you are jumping ahead of yourself here. You had a flirty day together but no physical contact was made, he has not asked you out for a date.

Let him take the lead. There is no need for you to put yourself out there.

RE line manager: he just started a few weeks before me and she has a boyfriend she talks to me about sometimes. She is also a good bit older than him.

Physical contact - he did lean over and touch my arm/whisper into my ear a couple of times while we were all watching the show. And our arms were touching on the armrest throughout.

Also another male co worker kept grabbing my arm and touching me and he looked quite annoyed. The guy was being over the top and I dont think he would have wanted to make me feel more encroached upon.

I don't see him daring to ask me out as he is very shy generally and he doesn't know how I feel about dating given we work together. But we both like the same events so maybe inviting each other to those will progress things if it seems right.

Maybe ukgift is right though about not putting myself out there. It is nice to be with a man that takes the lead but it barely ever happens to me at the start!

@Maria53 any update?!

Go for it if it's what you both want, I met my dh at my job and we still work in the same department on the same floor

Wow so he looked me up on social media yesterday...and within hours so did my ex boyfriend, who I haven't spoken to since June!

Anyway my line manager was absolutely fine with me today, quite chatty actually. We actually didn't speak in person today, as in I avoided eye contact...we don't work in the same spot but regardless I think there was a sense of wanting to play it safe.

I have also decided to not go to the next social event this weekend. In case any tongues have been wagging I want to leave it a couple of weeks til the next one.

But yes he is lovely. He was so attentive the other day and I felt really looked after. However today I just worked really hard and a new woman joined so I focused on making her welcome etc. I'm going to ask him if he knows about any creative events that I'm interested and see if he says yes and asks me to go. I am happy to just go really slowly though, working and enjoying being in the new job, seeing how it all works out...

Oooh good luck!

Dating coworkers is always a bad idea, especially with all the concerns about sexual harassment now. Just accept he's offlimits, and life will be a lot simpler.

HI OP,

Please take this slowly. For every one telling you they met their DH at work there are people like me who twice (yes twice) had disastrous relationships at work, one of which ended with me being let go!!!! I was only on contract but it was really awful, I was only 22 at the time and I could not handle it. Thankfully I got a new job in a far away place so I could make a new start.
Then I dated someone in the new job and it did not end well and my line manager was really disappointed in me because the guy was known through the company for dating all the new girls (and this was a company where I was in as a graduate trainee on a fast track to management - oh I'm embarrassed to even think about it).

So, do not date him yet - please get through your probationary period at least and then take it slowly. Also, no more than one alcoholic drink at company events - work is work and it should not be a substitute for making real friends who will remain in your life even when you move on in your career.

How do you know that he looked you up on sm??

I think it's quite normal to end up in relationships with people who you spend time with, so at work is quite common and I don't see an issue. However, it can be annoying for everyone else so maybe try and sew him outside work events.

I'm not going to make him off limits. But I am going to take it slow, get through the probationary period and see how/if things develop. My manager has given me more responsibility this week and i've been really busy.

We ended up talking just the two of us this morning. I think he is really shy and likes me. He was trying hard to make me laugh which admittedly did work even first thing in the morning

I have taken a step back while still being friendly for now.

Apparently people drink a lot at work nights out. But I will need to keep an eye on that and take it easy as I'm not much of a drinker as it is.

Maria53 - I think you sound lovely and very sensible. There will always be work relationships that work out, and those that don’t - but so long as you approach it with your wits about you, which sounds exactly like what you are doing. I’d be wary of your other colleagues and their motives - so long as you are professional and do your job well, the rest isn’t really any of their business.

Since posting last we haven't been talking a lot at work. In fact, I've found myself avoiding him. One day he came to speak to me & loads if heads popped up to look at us!

Today we spent time together. After a work event I did a bit of shopping & he came with me. Then we went for drinks with a few other colleagues & sat together. Legs were touching a few times under the table & he was asking if I wanted to try his drinks and his food.

He asked if I'd heard of an event his friend puts on and I said no so he said he'd let me know when it's next on. I really like him but we do work together so I'm still not sure if it's something we could really try...if he does like me and I find I want to see where it goes.