Has anyone met their partner during a bad time in their life?

[SausageSimon]

I always hear "you've got to love yourself before anyone else can love you" and in some ways I can imagine there's some truth to it in that if you're not happy other people will pick up on it etc. You'll send out bad vibes and what not

I can also imagine when you're not happy you can attract the wrong type of person, someone who will take advantage of your vulnerability for example.

But I can't imagine it's an absolute rule, so has anyone here met their partner during a really bad time of their life?

Me. I was at absolute rock bottom. My mother was dying, had split up with ex fiance in horrific circs, had a prescription drug addiction. I was behaving appallingly, very risky sleeping around etc.... We're still together nearly four years later, he's wonderful and I have all my self worth back.

Absolutely. Both of us were in a bad place actually. My (now) dh was recovering from a horrible end to a relationship and was feeling rather bitter about women. I was depressed. I feel sorry that my dh met me when I was depressed, but he was so incredibly understanding. Through him I learned to love myself enough to feel better, with some counselling thrown in too. I had to work hard on my mental health but I knew my dh was on my side. We have been married for 20 years.

That's good to hear, I've had a horrible 3 years and whenever I get told I need to love myself it makes me feel so much worse because there isn't much to love right now

Me too. Met DH at a truly dreadful time of my life. I certainly wasn’t loving myself. Still very happy together after 15 years.

I met DH at a truly horrible time in my life. When I was struggling and rock bottom. We had 12 great years, the last 4 have been increasingly shit. So no fairytale ending.

I met my abusive ex when I was particularly vulnerable. At least I got out eventually.

I met my DH during a really rough time in my life- there was a huge family breakdown and nothing was very stable. Then I met my now DH and he was calm, kind, lovely, patient - I could easily have gone off the rails if I hadn't met him when I did. Of course it's good to love yourself but sometimes you need someone to be there with you and help you work that bit out.

It’s good to hear these stories. I get very frustrated when people say I won’t meet someone until I can be happy single! I don’t see how it’s possible. I have a wonderful life in every other sense but I’m bloody lonely and I hate not having someone to share my life with.

@SonataDentata I feel very much the same as you, I've enjoyed being single but for the past 2-3 years it's started to bother me. Everyone I know is settling down, buying houses and having children.

I have nothing in my life to be happy about apart from my son, two dogs and parents. I've worked hard to try get a good job and have failed, I barely have any friends, I don't feel close to anyone, no man has ever wanted me, no chance of buying a house, piled on 3 stone, in debt. And just no future ahead of me.

I dream of buying a house, meeting someone and having more children but I can't imagine this shit life of mine ever getting better. It hasn't changed in 6 years despite me trying but I've got to the point where I don't have it in me to try any more

Yes, me. I met DH a couple of weeks after a bad breakup, while I was still dealing with some family issues and grieving for family estrangement. Actually in our first few months together I ended up with a relapse of my clinical depression, so for the first six months or so although we had a lovely time together and really hit it off there were times when he’d see me at my worst unable to leave my bed or open the curtains or get in the shower, sobbing. I still feel like he’d have been well within his rights to have walked away and thought I was too much of a mess to date! But he didn’t, he also didn’t try rescue me and there were also amazing times together and we really really gelled in every way so quickly. But I am still amazed he didn’t run a mile. He used to say everyone has their difficulties and troubles and he was just seeing mine a bit sooner than he might have if the timing were different.

for SausageSimon. I don’t know what to suggest but it really does suck. I don’t understand how almost everyone else seems to get into relationships so easily.

However... I wasn’t all ‘hopeless’ so to speak. I had a good career, lots of friends, was generally a happy person just going through an really hard time. I wasn’t lonely as I was so recently single, I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Had hobbies and interests and my own life. I think he could see I was overall a fairly functional decent person he’d met at a difficult time.

I have been in a relationship with someone for 3 months and he is dealing with some very difficult issues at the moment which impact his mental health and self esteem. Yes, I could have walked away for someone with 'less baggage' but there is more to him than that and he is lovely and kind and is working on his issues.

I have yet to go through my divorce so I'm sure the tables will turn or at least equalise at some point in the future.
show me someone my age (40's) who is single and doesn't have some issues of some sort. Only we know what we can deal with and what we can't.

Me. Met my wonderful DP with a cancer diagnosis, a very toxic exH, a horrendous divorce situ and a dying mother. He is the kindest man I've ever met and has been an amazing support through all of this.

Yes, we were both in terrible places. Both depressed and unemployed; he was in a very unhappy (open) relationship; I was not looking after myself very well and drinking and sleeping around with little regard for my own safety. We were fuck buddies for a while, then just friends for a while, then sorted our shit out and got together and I fell pregnant 4 months later!

In a way I think it’s made us stronger as we’ve always felt comfortable showing the worst parts of ourselves. And we worked as a team to end up where we are now.

Me too, had been single 5 yrs after separating from my EA DS father, was spiraling out of control, abusing alcohol, not respecting myself or my body, had watched as my best friend had just passed away very suddenly from cancer followed by the death of my father. He met me, picked me up, has shown me patience, support and such genuine love and care - I'm now excelling at my job, seeing a counselor and working through things, taking medication to help the anxiety and depression, not abusing alcohol. He has made me want to be the best version of me - not for him, just for me. We celebrated our first anniversary last week and I've never been so happy with someone.

My mum had passed away 9 months prior, I was still a depressed wreck who was trying to hold things together. I threw myself into dating and he was the first date - I couldn't believe my luck! He truly turned my life around and gave us a beautiful daughter. I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with... however...

The Fucker had an emotional affair straight after our daughter was born and he's now with AP.

Swings and roundabouts and all that jazz.