Just found out best friend crossed boundaries with husband back we were dating

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So DH and I have been married for 5 years with kids and I've been best friends with said friend for 15 years, she's married 3 years and has kids.

Recently in the spirit of openness, DH decided to tell me that, 8 years ago, while I was away in another country for a few months, during the time we were dating, 2 years into our relationship, my best friend met up with him and asked him to let her know why he chose me.

He expressed that convo was her essentially saying that they were closer n terms of friendship and I was the one on the sidelines, and she was surprised by us getting into a relationship. He said what he perceived from the undertones was that she had feelings for him, and he feels the question confirmed that. He never had feelings for her though nor was attracted to her.

I of course was livid at the revelation and felt so so hurt and disrespected that my best friend could crossed such boundaries. To go and have this kind of conversation behind my back, a convo which I felt was her essentially asking why he chose me not not her.
Nothing happened between them, but I'm hurt that she would even do this. If you had feelings and he's now with me, you go to the grave with them and not give any inclination whatsoever. The ship has sailed your time is done, don't bring it up, I feel.

He's expressing though that, he thinks the question of why I was chosen not her, if done out of curiosity, for closure or for clarity isn't wrong. And he doesn't see anything wrong with it, especially if the question led him to praise me and big me up.

I think it was a grossly inappropriate convo to have with your best friend's boyfriend and I'm also hurt by the fact that he even entertained it and cannot see anything wrong with the question. Am I silly to feel this way?

I would be asking myself what my H's motivations would be for relaying this to me eight years after the event. And whether he had any motivations for discrediting my best friend and/or causing a rift between me and best friend.

I bet it didn't really go like that, why do men have such huge egos.

Yeah, this has all been filtered through your husband's perception and the passage of eight years, so I would be inclined to be sceptical about a) if it really did go down as he says it did, and b) why he feels the need to tell you about it now.

Perhaps it was just a casual conversation about "So how did you and Approximately get together? What drew you to each other?" and his big, manly ego has decided that there was more to it. If you've never got jealousy vibes from your friend before and she's never given you any reason to think she had a problem with you and your husband's relationship, why would you be doubting her now?

I'm thinking that he has some reason for wanting you to make you feel like you're lucky to have snagged him and kept him, when he had other options. Is there generally an imbalance in your relationship?

Meh..... I couldn't get worked up over it tbh. But I am not you
These would be my sentiments as well.
But.... I would wonder why your DH is bringing this up now?
What does he gain from bringing this up 8 years after the event?
That would get my spidey senses tingling.
Any other unusual behaviour from him recently?

Does your husband have form for alienating you from friends or family?

This is ancient history.

Is dh trying to make you jealous to get something??
I wouldn’t be cross with my friend but I’d be suspicious of dh motivation.

Yeah I’d be livid to be honest if my friend tried her luck with my boyfriend of 2 months never mind 2 years. Ok she didn’t invite him to bed, but come on what else was she getting at/hoping to achieve. I’d be tempted to confront her because I’d find it really hard to socialise with her knowing about this, but equally I understand not wanting to have a row about something that happened 8 years ago too.

I would also be very angry with OH for not telling me at the time.

See if my dp told me this, my reaction would be to have a conversation with no accusations with my best friend.

I love her and I would want to know her point of view on this conversation.

I wouldn't jump to 'oh my god...the Harlot tried to make a move on my boyfriend'.

It's odd that you are so upset, without even speaking to her

Why the fuck would he tell you that? This is an ancient corpse to dig up, I would leave it in the ground. He may well have misunderstood what she said. Your friend is more important than this old nonsense. Let it go.

I'd be suspicious of my husband in this circumstance tbh. I'd wonder if something had/was going on and he was getting a story ready because he thought it was going to come out...

Unless there's a backstory with the friend seeking out validation from men/competing with you....

I of course was livid at the revelation and felt so so hurt and disrespected that my best friend could crossed such boundaries. To go and have this kind of conversation behind my back, a convo which I felt was her essentially asking why he chose me not not her.
Nothing happened between them, but I'm hurt that she would even do this.

And now you have MASSIVELY disrespected her by accusing her of doing something without having asked her for her side of what happened, and what she had actually meant when she asked the question.

Do you value her friendship so little?

Could she have seen it as this.
Asking him what made you more attractive, because she was single and trying to find out what men liked, to help her encourage a partner.
That she never intended to make him think he fancied her, and he missread it then, and has built it up in his mind.