Ex had an affair - still stings

[crossroads1]

a year ago me and my bf broke up as he was having an affair with a coworker. Since then he is still with her, moved in with her and they seem to be going strong, curiosity gets the best of me sometimes and I look at his new gfs social media where all her photos are of the 2 of them playing happy families. Since then I have also moved on and found an amazing partner that I am so so happy with and I do not want my ex back in any way shape or form but my ego would love for the 2 of them to break up because it doesn't seem fair for them to parade the relationship after all the hurt and betrayal they caused. Has anyone had experience with affairs and being left for another woman? Does karma come back around to these ppl or will my ego keep getting bruised for as long as they're together? I appreciate I shouldn't look at her social media but sometimes it stings that the two of them are lasting, ill also mention ex was abusive, drug addict and an alcoholic. everything he said he has stopped because of her - without going into the entire back story there was a time the two of them called me because she didn't believe he had gone back to him without trying to get back with me (which he did do so was lying again) but she seems to have forgiven everything wrong that he did, and also all the wrong she did (she knew all about me and I had met her in the past). How can ppl live with themselves after doing this? I just can't wrap my head around it. Does it get any better?

Surely that kind of relationship is karma enough.
If he was abusive, a drug addict and an alcoholic that will surely come back around at some point if he has stopped for the time being.

As well as that she's probably paranoid, insecure and lots of other horrible emotions.

You can't change people, or make them apologise or change anything about their circumstances, all you can do is change your own thinking and reactions. You really should speak to a therapist with a view to letting go of the hurt and anger, so that you can move forward with your own life properly.

OP any woman who is with a man who has cheated on their significant other and then left with the OW will unfortunately for her most likely have karma at some point for choosing to love an emotionally detached man.

Your EXP might not get it though as people who are able to emotionally detach in that way simply might not care about hurting people.

Yes he definitely had a problem where he was detached from all of his lying which allowed him to carry on the affair. For the most part I am over it - I have a beautiful bf, great friends, family - the only time I get back into a 'funk' is when I see her social media. Im not naive and know that social media is the highlight reel, but I just want it to crash and burn. I know life isn't fair and I can't change the circumstances but it still bruises my ego. I wanted some advice from other ppl who have experienced this as I suppose it is still relatively new for me.

Block her social media and keep it blocked, they might last they might not - but you need to concentrate on you and your relationships.

OP

Personally, whilst I KNOW I have been cheated on in the past I've never been in quite your situation. I've always, pretty much, done the leaving.

Lovely, you are not helping yourself here. My advice is to block everywhere and stop looking. It doesnt matter that they are in another relationship, parading it around. He will treat her as hes treated you. Shes in the Golden Period - the love bomb or more accurately described as the Seduction Hoover.

You escaped. Focus on your new life and ignore that utterly pathetic waste of oxygen.

Right now, you are signposting that you are vulnerable to a Hoover. I'm sure that not what you want. Really.

Visit here narcsite.com. it will open your eyes.

As said, block her. Stop waiting for karma, which may never come. Surely the main thing is you are happy now, not what becomes of them?

I don't believe in karma at all. In my life I've seen good things happen to bad people , and bad things happen to good people . Waiting for something bad to happen to your ex and the OW , is quite pointless and a waste of your emotional energy. You need to block the OW and concentrate on living your best life.

My ex is still with the OW, married for 12 years and they have adopted 4 children . I don't see them on SM but I'm obliged to see them in real life, at Christmas when we go to a family event. They are obviously very happy and people talk about them as if they are saints, adopting the four siblings to give them a home when they were abandoned etc. So as you can see, I have to play nice and act like everything is just fine. The fact that they had a 3 year affair while he was married to me, is forgotten now by everyone but me . The world keeps on turning, and "karma" is something which never happens in my experience, OP.

I don't believe in karma either. If anything it keeps people stuck in the past wishing badness.

Move on, let life take its course.

Any thought of a person who has upset your family is going to make you feel angry for some time. Some years. I found that you actually have to promise yourself not to go there. The whole scenario involved total lack of respect for you as a woman, so best just not to think about it. It was very bad. But now it's gone. Don't let it hurt you any more. You have a lovely life now. Enjoy that.

I know the best revenge is living well etc and I only start to feel this anger again after seeing her posts. Can anyone tell me their experiences about affairs and being left for the OW? I just want to see if there is light at the end of the tunnel.. Ive spoken to lots of my friends who also say they would feel the same to know if their ex was still with the OW even if they have moved on. He used to criticise me about things I wore, didn't want me to be on any social media, said he didn't like women who smoked and now the OW is complete opposite of me. I get angry at myself because I compromised a lot for him even when I knew he wasn't the one for me - I was young and got swept away - I am so very glad he did what he did and for me to meet my DH but knowing them two are going strong (and posting pics looking happy) will of course sting!

Can tell you about my experience...suspected something was up at the end of last year/beginning of this one, and after hearing her side of a phone call that was very reminiscent of the ones we had at early stages of relationship I asked her outright if there was anything she needed to tell me. Of course it was lots of 'I don't feel the same any more' but no mention of anyone else, and my suspicions were only confirmed when she accidentally put something through our joint amazon account, revealing her new address (OW's) a few short weeks later.

Prior to this she tried to force through a house sale quickly (me buying her out), days within breaking up, hoping for goodwill in the process before it became apparent what was actually going on....I held out as I wasn't financially able to anyway and was especially glad that I did when I realised she was trying to take advantage of the situation. She has not got as good a deal as she had hoped, although in current market values it is more than fair, and I paid all costs of transfer. So, anyway, I am glad I did that on my terms and she didn't successfully manipulate me when I was unaware of the full situation.

Cut to now her and the OW are trying to sell the place they are living in, and it is likely to go for many thousands less than what the OW paid for it 2 years ago. They are in a very tricky situation. So financially, at least, things are really not going very well for them.

I don't really care to know anything about their relationship, I have come off facebook so I don't see anything and remind my mutual friends if they begin mentioning her that I really don't need to know.

I actually spotted them in the park on Sunday, ex and I made eye contact at the same time and I suspect OW had spotted me first as she had turned her back to me and I suspect had just said to ex 'Don't be too obvious but that's Suggestions over there, isn't it?' I was walking in their direction and kept striding along to them. They turned at an odd angle and went down a different path to avoid me.

For me, honestly, I still feel differently at different times. Sometimes I think, yes, their financial situation serves them right, the way I was deceived and manipulated - karma has come back to bite. Other times I just wish her well and that she doesn't have too hard a life - that we are all just vulnerable, fragile, stupid people bumbling through life trying to do whats in our best interests whilst minimising the fall out.

We all have a limited time left on earth. Yes you were hurt and betrayed but surely you gain nothing by continuing to give airtime in your head to your past or their present/future.

Imagine how your current partner would feel if he knew how much you think about your ex.

Block her and him on social media and focus on living your best life.

OP please block your ex and ow. You are torturing yourself by looking at photos and reading their updates. They probably rarely think of you.

Focus on your partner and your life together. Leave the past in the past as it is eating you up.

Are you sure you do not hold feelings for your ex?

There are no feelings whatsoever. I regret the day I ever met my ex, just thinking of my DH makes me so happy and it has nothing to do with our relationship. it is purely that I thought they would crash and burn and my ego gets bruised after seeing those pictures. I don't know whether I believe in karma or not but I don't understand how cheaters can carry out such a betrayal and then act like everything they did was forgotten. I for one wouldn't be Able to live with myself

You have just got to ignore and focus on yourself.

It sucks. My ex left for ow 2/3 years ago. She is welcome to him. You know how he behaves. She is being love bombed and lied to. let them get on with it. She may put up with more shit than you did. She maybe the making of him. But you need to Stop going over it. It is only bringing you down.

OP you have to let it go, for your sake. Yes our ego does take a bruising when someone does us wrong and we want justice. You have to try and overcome this rather than looking for their downfall. You are living in the shadow of their relationship and prolonging your healing.

Make life about you and NOT them. Leave them in your past where they belong.

There is no need for you to be in contact ever. You can cut them off completely.

OP, try to focus solely on your current happiness. Easier said than done, I know. They may crash and burn, who knows, but you need to detach yourself from investing in that. By the way, the irony that he, a consumer of substances, says he doesn't like women smoking, ha ha!! What a catch for her.

"ex was abusive, drug addict and an alcoholic. everything he said he has stopped because of her - without going into the entire back story there was a time the two of them called me because she didn't believe he had gone back to him without trying to get back with me (which he did do so was lying again) but she seems to have forgiven everything wrong that he did,"

Relationship made in heaven. Aren't they lucky.

How long were you with your boyfriend, OP? That has a bearing.

He decided to go, he wasn't taken. You now have a lovely husband yourself whom you are doing a great disservice to by checking SM and looking at photos of your ex. Is your husband happy for you to do that? Does he know that you harbour such strong feelings still?

Believe what you're saying, that you're happy - and leave them to live their lives now, come what may. In the same way that you and your husband are a good match - so might those two be. I know it's hard to think that but if you can accept the possibility, you will stop praying so hard for a crash and burn and start focusing on and enjoying your own marriage now.

I think instead of fighting your feeling; just accept it’s perfectly okay that you don’t wish him well.
It’s also perfectly okay that you might still have feeling for him but do not want him back.
Give yourself time, you’ll soon forget about him.

For me at least, karma doesn’t exist. They might very well break up. They also might well remain together for a very long time/till they die, happy and content.