how the f do I end this?

[R3ALLY]

I've read all the messages and the threads saying LTB and God knows I want to but how do you leave someone who won't be left?
At the moment he's not even speaking to me but if we do engage in conversation then I'm told that everything is my fault. I once brought up splitting up and he said he's not leaving the house, he will not facilitate a separation and he will not live apart from the kids. He's walking around now being lovely to the kids and completely blanking me. What do I do? I earn more than him but can't afford to buy him out. Selling the house wouldn't buy two properties. I am totally and utterly miserable but he just won't talk about it and there is no way in hell he will be grown up enough to say we are not getting on, let's call it a day. Help!!

Are you married?

Do what I have just done packed my bags and the kids bags and left. I have had enough of the lies and him not talking. I am in a very dark place but am trying my best to stay afloat and for me I just have to end it once and for all. Best of luck

Yes we are married and house is in both names. I can't just go... we have nowhere to go, no family or anything and apart from that I thought it was wise not to leave the family home? I also wouldn't be able to do the job I do if I was a lone parent.. I work odd hours and need his back up to collect kids (or in a dream world, a nice au pair who didn't emotionally abuse me). What I really need is for him to sit down and have a grown up conversation with me but that just isn't happening.

Thats not good.... i left my childrens father with nothing. Literally left with the kids and a couple suitcases. No family no friends. Hard shit. Dont regret it for a second. But we didn't own a place together. Can u detach enough to start living your life while cohabiting with him? Him not wanting to leave is him having a strop at u having all the cards.

This is exactly me. In the end I have just seen a solicitor and served divorce papers. We are now living together but separately until the finaces get sorted in the divorce. Its horrendous but there was no other way as no grown up conversation could be had. Get some legal advice. Good luck xx

Oh wow
Totally 1000% emphasise OP

I am seeing a lawyer Monday to force the situation in our case .
I literally cannot continue like this
Although we have major verbal abuse and anger issues too

In your case I would shop around for a lawyer and just start the process

It takes a lot of
Courage . It won’t be easy . You’ll be skint (er) and he will have to share parenting

OR save like a bastard , keep yourself sane for a few months and then do it

Stuff like childcare and acess always sorts itself out

You can start divorce proceedings even if you are living in the same house. Not ideal obviously but possible.

Start divorce proceeedings. It will work out.

Nobody has to stay married.

You say you can't leave but this will get worse and worse until one day you will crack and something crazy will happen, police will be called, courts will be involved and it will all bust open because that's what always happens.
I suggest serving him with divorce papers and take it from there. He can't ignore those and the courts will make him participate.

madcatladyforever

True

Start the divorce, force the issue.

Finances will get sorted, house sold etc

That's how you do it

Tell everyone you're separating and start going on dates.

Oh OP I feel your pain, I'm there too! My husband has turned into super dad and is being so cloyingly pathetic it's horrid! He refuses to leave despite accepting that his emotional abuse has brought the marriage to an end. I've issued divorce proceedings but he didn't reply so am having to get him served now. We are basically living separate lives but in the same house but we have periods where I explode because the tension gets too much. Hope you manage to find a way, it's not easy :(

Yep start divorce proceedings...

Thanks everyone. HE hasn’t a clue... talking this morning about future plans even though he knows how miserable I am. Everything is HIS stress and misery and mental health. Short short term I’m going to start a fund for me. I’m lucky in that I work and have control of the money. So short term bye bye coffee and clothes and hello running away fund x

That’s the idea
I agree that before you jump into the swimming pool , buy some armbands !
Start to save
Get some MH support
And try and keep yourself sane
Also start a dossier /diary - when you do visit a Soliciter it’s good to have some history
Also get a book on family law , I recommend the Marilyn Stowe one

I wish I knew the answer to that. I'm working on little steps. Like
1.open a bank account just in my name

1. Save as much as I can
2. Cut expenses where possible and see what we live off as a minimum
3. Draw up a budget
4. Get copies of all asset (super yours and his, any investments) & debt balances.

Etc Seperating feels to big and scary right now, but I read a thread where the woman said she took lots of little steps and in the end seperating didn't seem insurmountable because she had prepared and taken lots of little steps to independence.

MH support is a great idea too. I think I'm going to need that to feel strong enough to leave.