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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Widow Advice please

3 replies

Bluenose66 · 14/11/2019 19:18

Im in somewhat of a turmoil at the minute. I live alone with my son and daughter. 6 years ago i met a nice lady whose husband had died 6 years previously, so her husband has now been dead for 12 years. There has always been 2 events every year that i dread, that's the aniversary of his death and his birthday. During these periods she will be low, angry, argumentative and just not very nice to me. When these periods are over we talk at great length about the situation, unfortunately she just won't except that there is a problem. We've just returned from a few days in Ireland that clashed with his death, i mistakenly thought it would be good to get away at this time, you know break the circle etc. Well it was the worst ever !! I probably should of walked a few years ago but love her to bits and want to make it work, however, i guess the Ireland trip was a real wake up and smell the coffee moment. It pretty much tears me up, lack of sleep no appetite. Don't get me wrong those dates are important and loved ones should be remembered but remembered without suffering to others. Ive suggested bereavement counseling but she completely dismisses this. I really do think it's time for me to move on, I'm 49 and cant cope with it anymore. Any advice appreciated,

OP posts:
filka · 14/11/2019 19:30

It seems you would be better to avoid her during these periods, rather than to try to be even closer (like going away together). For how long either side of these dates does she mourn?

Are you looking for a long term relationship, and if so have you discussed that? My mother was widowed at about 53 and never married or even considered it.

Bluenose66 · 14/11/2019 20:26

Hi, usually between 2-4 weeks around these dates. I guess I've always tended to pretty much accept the situation knowing that things would 'calm down'. Guess I've just had enough now, the relationship consists of three people and sadly one of them is no longer here !! I'm now having big jealousy problems with a dead man and i know that sounds insane.

OP posts:
filka · 15/11/2019 05:14

Doesn't sound like she is ready for a long term relationship, maybe never will be - so if that's what you are looking for then unfortunately you need to move on.

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