Is this normal? Or controlling?

[Tinselandrockets]

Dh has always edged towards being controlling. He’s quite controlling financially for example.

In addition to this, since I had dc2, he’s started being more controlling over other things. So he wants sex a lot and calls me his ‘nice piece of ass.’ He says ‘whose is it? It’s mine’. When I go out he comments that I look too nice to be going out without him and that I should only wear nice clothes if I’m with him or in the house.
It’s all said ‘jokingly’ but it gets me down. It really does.
I’m torn between feeling like it’s just jokey but it’s constant and I’m not sure - it’s not really a normal thing to say is it? I mean I’m 39, I doubt anyone is looking at me and I’m hardly going out in revealing clothes.

Yes, you are not his, you are in a relationship with him but he does not own you.

Are you afraid to respond to him? Are your discussions circular and don't resolve issues? Do you modify your behaviour to appease him?
Any of these indicate you are being impacted by him.

In the first instance you need to raise it with him, a respectful caring partner will stop behaviour if they know it upsets you.

If he is highly defensive then he is unlikely to change.

No it isnt

Exactly how is he financially and sexually controlling

and are you happy?

There is nothing normal or acceptable about this. Stand up for yourself and tell him to fuck off. After you do that, I hope you leave him.

Its controlling
He sees you as his property

That's definitely not normal. I actually think he's creepy. His nice piece of ass?! That's very unpleasant. Sounds like he considers you his personal sex toy rather than an actual person with thoughts and feelings. I couldn't and wouldn't tolerate this but I appreciate that we're all different.

He sounds like a disgusting chauvinist.

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Controlling behaviour like he is showing you and in turn your DC is abusive in nature . Is this the model of a relationship you want to teach your children because they will pick up on all this

I would make plans with due care and attention to leave this man before he really does destroy any vestiges of confidence that you have. He wants to put you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

Financial abuse is also often seen in such men and I am sadly not surprised to see he is financially controlling as well.

Do read Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft, keep this well hidden from him. This man is in those pages