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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Surviving abuse - what things helped you?

3 replies

blueangel1 · 14/11/2019 13:06

Hi all

I have never started a thread on here, but have contributed to quite a few over the past couple of years.

Both my DH and I are abuse survivors, and one of the things that he has done since we have been together is finish his degree and started an MA in Visual Communications. (he had to give up his degree while in his previous marriage as she wouldn't allow him to study).

One of his projects is about the things that have helped people survive abuse - or the things that helped them to escape.

As an example, his iPod was his lifesaver as he could bury himself in audio books to help him survive what was going on at home. For me, it was my laptop, as my friends from all over the world "lived" in it and I knew I could talk to anyone, anytime after my marriage broke down. I don't know whether I would still be here if I hadn't been able to get support in that way.

So, for those of you out there who are also survivors, what was it helped you?

Was it the burner phone that you kept hidden from the spouse or parent?

Was it the filing cabinet at work where you could hide all your paperwork before escaping?

If anyone wants to discuss the things that kept them sane, your replies will be used to help his research and I will be incredibly grateful.

Thanks in advance [flowers}

OP posts:
Blippolbblopp · 15/11/2019 18:19

One of his projects is about the things that have helped people survive abuse - or the things that helped them to escape

Mine was i would screenshot abusive emails and texts/ photos of bruises/cuts/ messages when he had apologised for hurting me. I sent them to a secure email address.

It kept me sane because he would outright deny his behaviour and messages and when i had them in black and white it would confirm the truth and not his warped version

It didnt help me escape, the police wernt interested in my "evidence" but he was found guilty of the assault i reported and the courts gave him a restraining order to not contact me or the kids

But it did help me a year down the line when the restraining order was due to expire, i applied to the courts to have it extended and sent off with it the texts/photo's ect and they extended the restraining order for 2 years

Its due to expire next year and i hope i can just send off the evidence again and have it extended again

Anthilda · 16/11/2019 00:18

A diary, an angel ornament with sentimental verse on, cigarettes, music and the bible.

blueangel1 · 19/11/2019 16:59

Thanks both for your responses - it's very helpful!

OP posts:
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