Husband's anxiety is preventing us getting urgent work done on house

[UnderHisEyeBall]

So, long story short our roof is leaking and needs fixing. We have a company and a quote sorted and are ready to go.

Then my husband starts flapping about the fact there is some asbestos cement on our fascias that our survey threw up. I agree this is worth considering and getting removed however he is now adamant we can't use the roofing company we got to give us the original quote as we didn't warn them about the asbestos in the fascias before they looked at the roof (in no way shape or form came into contact with the fascias by the way).

Now he is demanding that we don't have the roof fixed before the asbestos is removed and fascias replaced all by different companies to the roofing company. All the while our roof is getting worse and leaking and it is getting later and later into the year. And he is doing fuck all about this.

The clincher is I asked him to look into this 18 months ago when we first found out about the asbestos and he has done SWEET. FUCK. ALL. So this latest flap is just an extension of his procrastinating due to anxiety.

How the fuck do I not indulge this while ensuring the ceiling doesn't cave in on us all?

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza...

How about ringing the original roofing company and discussing the asbestos with them? What happens if you do it without consulting Mr Flappy first, and let him know afterwards what they said?

I'd just get it organised myself. We'd never get any jobs done or holidays booked, etc, if I didn't just crack on and waited for him to get his finger out.

By taking matters into your own hands (it's your house too after all!) and doing as Annie suggests and ringing the original roofing company to discuss the asbestos issue/non issue!

You are actually enabling his anxiety - do what needs doing and tell him afterwards.

Poor you, I live with a very fussy person and it can be annoying. (Understatement!) But after 18 months your DH has had a very long time to pull his finger out. This is getting ridiculous.

I very much doubt the removal of the asbestos will cost more than the damage to your roof which is ongoing.

Yes definitely get a quote from the roof people. They can either do it themselves or call someone in. The MOST important thing is not to pay more than once for scaffolding hire and erection. Your husband possibly hasn't realised this.

Good luck, I know how hard it can be!

Ring the roofing company and speak to them about it. Ring them now without his involvement. Just say my husband is worried this might be an issue. Is it? Then if they say no, book them to come do the work

I agree with others, just phone the roof company and go from there. Stop letting Mr Flappy dictate everything. Don't even tell him until you've done it, just present him with problem solved.

You don't need his permission to fix the bloody roof!

I agree re scaffolding. It is very expensive so make sure you only need it once.

Why can't you do it?

If you know something is causing him anxiety - which I doubt is very nice, or remotely purposeful on his part - just take it out of his hands, take the lead, and get things sorted.

It's your house as well.

I'd deal with it myself. We may get a mild, dry winter but personally I'd not be leaving that to chance.

Does the asbestos even need removing in the first place? We've had our fascias/soffits done and also the roof replaced, on separate occasions by different firms.

Our survey flagged up the risk of asbestos but with the recommendation to leave it undisturbed.

We told the firms. They both said they watch out for it whether told or not and usually just leave alone any materials which may contain asbestos, i.e. they don't remove existing fascias and soffits, they just cover the existing ones in plastic (i.e. wrap whatever materials were originally there). Same with the roof, they take off the tiles and wooden battens and sheeting (they know they're not asbestos) and just put new back on leaving the structural supports etc alone.

I think it's a non-event really - just tell the building firm what's been written in the survey report and let them decide whether to do the work as planned or slightly different or walk away. No sense in pre-judging what the professionals (who do it day in day out) will do.

He is convinced we will be sued as I let them put ladders up and have a look at the roof without warning them about asbestos . I agree that a roofer would probably assume the possibility of asbestos on a 70s house anyway and its not like they went poking around, they just had a look.

The reason I haven't done it is that I feel that doing this for him just because he has had an anxiety flap is enabling him. I have done EVERYTHING ELSE with regards to this house and the move into it last year and work that needed doing due to his flappy, anxiety over it. And gestated and birthed a baby in that time

However, I have just spoken to him about it, repeated what you and some friends have said, and he has agreed to go back to them if I draft what we need to say to them for it (he is apparently unable to forward me their contact details).

Oh that sounds hopeful, eyeball. The professionals will be happy to reassure him....takes the heat off you!

God he sounds frustrating! Like a big flappy man baby!

Hope you get it sorted.

Can you get another quote from a different company and advise them of the potential asbestos risk before they visit?

Then just quietly forget about the original quote - which is probably time-expired by now anyway. Quotes are often only valid for 30 days.

Oh my god, just sort the roof out and bypass him. You are risking structural damage especially with all this heavy rainfall we're getting at the moment. And I'm pretty sure that any roofing company would recognise asbestos cement when they saw it.............

I couldn't live with that OP, you deserve a medal.

Organise it yourself - its raining like fuck here.

Is he getting any help for his anxiety? I couldn't live with him op. You must be fed up.

Christ - you have a whole lifetime of this to go! can he get help for his anxiety?

He won't send it.

He'll claim he has, then throw another anxiety attack to put you off and still won't send it.