Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Puffer fish impression.. But where is this going?

12 replies

Aliceinunderland · 13/11/2019 23:41

I REALLY like someone I see through my job and we have become good friends over the past year and a half. It went quiet after he jokingly told me that he loved me and because I'm a total idiot, the only response I could think of was to blow out my cheeks and purse my lips. In essence, I did a puffer fish impression. He looked confused, I died of embarrassment and contact pretty much became non existent after that.

We have recently spent time together through work (not employed by the same company, just in a similar field) and the text messaging has resumed.
The messages are very flirty, he compliments me and we definitely have chemistry in person. However, I am confused about what this means as he hasn't suggested a date. I have casually mentioned meeting up but it's never followed up his end. I know he is definitely single, not sure he has much experience with dating either and is a carer for a family member so possibly it isn't the right time for him but where do I go from here?
Do I continue these flirty messages or just ignore them from now on? Most of me thinks he's just not that into me but it doesn't feel like that when we are face to face. I'm rubbish at picking up the cues with men and the thought of just asking him fills me with dread as I don't want to a) make it awkward at work and b) lose a good friendship. Holy smokes, you wouldn't think I turn 40 next year! Any advice?

OP posts:
DorothyParkersCat · 14/11/2019 01:28

I am confused about what this means as he hasn't suggested a date

Why would he suggest a date?
He told you he loved you - even if he said it jokingly - that's a big thing to say to someone. He didn't get anything positive back. He got a puffer fish which is not positive and very confusing.

What do you want really? To date him and see? Too scared to try?

If you want to date him, you need to give him some clearer signals and keep on with the flirting.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 14/11/2019 10:25

It's not him; it's you, OP. Your responses are far from straightforward; you aren't coming out with the truth directly; you are sending very mixed messages.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2019 10:30

Not sure you can ever come back from giving someone a puffer fish face when they say they love you.

wherearemymarbles · 14/11/2019 10:31

Text him saying to would like to go for dinner somewhere then you would like him to take you to bed.

Job done.

Need to be direct with these types, pussy footing around the bush will get you no where !! 😉

Wallywobbles · 14/11/2019 10:32

I'm with marbles. Test the goods stop wasting time.

Chamomileteaplease · 14/11/2019 12:34

You are the one in the situation but you aren't sure how the land lies.

So yes you have to find out Smile.

What form did your "casual suggesting of meeting up" take? Was it wishy washy?

What about asking him either face to face or by text, "hey do fancy going to event/place that you would both enjoy on Saturday?"

Then it is a clear suggestion of something definite. He can either say no I'm busy or yes and it happens Smile. Face saved.

Also, if it is a daytime thing and not you saying hey let's go for a romantic dinner Grin then it gives you both more time to get closer and not put your head on the line when you have to see him in work. Just in case I mean, hopefully he says yes and it all goes swimmingly Smile.

So in essence, be direct.

Aliceinunderland · 14/11/2019 12:55

Yes you're all right, I can see how im giving out mixed messages. I come across as very bubbly and confident in day to day life but in terms of dating I am actually really shy and awkward. Hence the stupid facial expressions. I am stupidly scared of being rejected which I why I normally end up in relationships with men who actively pursue me so this is the first time I actually want to date someone if that makes sense. I guess there's no other way than to ask him directly 😳 at least I'll know either way.

OP posts:
Kats11 · 14/11/2019 12:59

Disagree with the posts. If a guy likes you he wouldn't be put off by your puffer fish impression, in fact he would find it endearing.

I think he enjoys the flirt but not in to you. I speak from experience

loveyoutothemoon · 14/11/2019 14:05

Ask him out again!

StormTreader · 14/11/2019 14:13

Yup, he tested the water earlier and you gave a response which was just confusing, followed up by cutting contact - that was a pretty clear and final rejection even if you didn't mean it as that.

It's 100% up to you to suggest a date.

Rainbowshine · 14/11/2019 16:03

Am I the only one confused/alarmed that he said that he loves you before you’ve been dating? I get that there’s been some flirting but saying something so emotive this early on in the scheme of things seems a bit off. Isn’t this love bombing or future faking behaviour?

If he is keen why couldn’t he just say he would like you to be more than friends or ask you for a date?

Aliceinunderland · 14/11/2019 16:41

He said it jokingly because I'd helped him with something so it wasn't really out of context. I'm not sure he meant to say it like that either as he looked a bit embarrassed afterwards. I have a feeling I'm about to feel like a right idiot 😔

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page