Bridesmaid Dilemma...

[TheFemmeFatale]

I am getting married next year & I am having some trouble surrounding bridesmaids. My best friend & I have been friends for 20 years. In that time we've seen our friends group of approx 7 dwindled down to 3 of us, including myself. My other friend has really only ever been my friend through my best friend & if it wasn't for her I know for a fact we wouldn't still be in touch. I've known her for 20 years too through my best friend but we don't see each other or do anything on our own without my best friend there. I see her every 2-3 months approx.

When I announced my wedding date my friend said how she couldn't wait to be a bridesmaid. She wasn't asked & I was completely surprised so I didn't say anything. I know I should have said right there the only person I wanted as a bridesmaid at the table was my best friend but assertiveness is not my strong point.

I have another friend I've known a few years & I want her as my bridesmaid too. She's such a lovely woman, I like her energy & she comes without any drama/bitchy girly baggage that often comes with women.

The thing is my best friend isn't happy I'm asking a girl I've only known a few years & not our other friend. I've told my best friend I also want to ask my fiancé's sister which would bring us to three. She's made it clear she thinks I should be cutting out my newest friend or his sister to allow our friend into the bridal party.

The thing is my friend (that I don't want as a bridesmaid) was a bridesmaid for another friend in our group & that's why 3 other women left our friendship group. There was so much drama & weeks after the wedding they stopped speaking. I don't want any of that. I also don't want to hurt anyone.

Am I being wrong deciding against this friend being a bridesmaid? How do I tell her when clearly she is expecting to be asked?

Remind beat friend it's your wedding and not hers?

It's your special day! You have who YOU want! End of!
If your best friend isn't happy then that is simply her problem. It isn't her wedding!

How much does her not being one matter to you? You say bridesmaid drama caused the rift, so the quiet life answer is have 4. Otherwise assert your right to pick who you want and accept it will impact on your relationship with your bf, unfairly I might add

Your wedding, your choice

Have who you want.
You’ll find out who your friends are by how the react.
I think the other friend will be annoyed at being left out if the planning and days out.
She’s in it for her , not you.

The fact that your ‘best friend’ is trying to make you drop a bridesmaid to include her friend suggests to me that neither of them are particularly close to you. Cut them both out and just have 2.

It’s clear you and your best friend see your third friend differently. Do you think if your best friend was getting married she would have you two as bridesmaids and no one else?
I think you have three options include her and really is it that much of a deal not too or do you really not like her?
Not include her and let her know in a kind way
Or give her another significant role and include her in fun things that lead up to wedding. Explains that everyone that you know can’t be a bridesmaid
Also your best friend doesn’t get to decide these things you do

You should have who you want but you see more of this woman you don't like, than I see of my best friend! A lot of awkwardness to follow in the months/years to come.

If you feel you wouldn't bother with her without BF perhaps she doesn't see it and values you more and thinks you value her more

Will she be a shit bridesmaid and destroy the day, or decent?

You should certainly have the friend you want and OBVIOUSLY the sister extremely bad form not to.

I'm not saying you HAVE to have her, but is it a hill to die on really?

Is it a price worth paying for keeping the friendship group status quo and drama free is what I'm asking because you might find this is thrown in your face for years to come.

It may mean that the 'Group Of Three' ends here if it is perceived as a slight, but perhaps that is what you want? Which would make it a price worth paying.

What was the drama at the other wedding? Did she cause it? She sounds pretty toxic and the fact you aren’t close even though you’ve known each other for 20 years is worrying

Your best friend needs to keep her gob shut and you need to tell her that. This other "friend" sounds like a toxic pain in the arse. Don't be daft enough to involve her in your wedding. All she'll do is cause trouble.

Do you really need more than one bridesmaid?

It's your wedding. Choose who you want. I had a friend ask me if she could be my bridesmaid when I told her we were engaged. I just awkwardly laughed it off. She took offence when I asked others and stopped speaking to me so in the end wasn't invited to the wedding at all.

Don't let others control who you ask to be part of it.

I'd find it a bit odd and pointed to exclude this friend when she's been part of your circle for so long.

Was the drama of the previous wedding entirely this woman's doing?

I'd either just have one BM = your best friend. Or have four.