Husband in a mood over sex

[Mamabear1988]

Husband is in a mood because I dont want sex tonight. I'm ill and in pain for a start.

There have been issues for a while and 3 times this week hes said he wants it more often. I've told him straight its boring and he makes no effort so not surprising I dont want it. We only kiss if its leading to sex, and he cant keep it hard so that's a turn off, he only finishes if I talk about things like anal. I just wonder if it was me having an issue if he would make me go to the doctors but it's alright for him...we do only have sex about 3/4 times a month so not great but it's both of us with different schedules etc.

Am I right to be annoyed about this?! I feel like it's only his feelings that matter. So now I'm on the couch whilst hes upstairs In bed. He wont bother trying to sort it. I'll stay here all night.

So he watched loads of porn.
Has 'death grip' issues and can't come unless you talk about anal etc...
What a turn off OP.
No wonder you don't want it.
Does HE satisfy YOU when you have sex?

What hells bells said

How old is he because unless he is in his 50s it really does sound like a porn issue and sex with him sounds grim

If you've told him you don't like him groping you all the time and he carries on then he's sexually assaulting you. Repeatedly. But hey, buy something sexy and seduce him.

Ffs, some of the advice on here is stupid.

What Shox said. This won't get better. He cannot make you go to a doctor for your libido. Mine would be nill with a porn-addicted wanker like this.

He doesn’t turn you on. His behaviour turns you off! I felt so empowered when told my sex pest ex I didn’t want to have sex with him ever again & it must be him because if X (insert whatever actor/celeb) was here you suddenly would feel up to it. I literally told mine in the end “you make my skin crawl, you’re so seedy. It’s you not me!”

I can guarantee your libido will suddenly return after losing this creep

Sex pests are the worst

I feel not enough has been done to lift the lid on sex pests...

What do you love about him OP? What does he do to make you feel special and valued?

I’ll bet my hat he doesn’t do his fair share around the house, of childcare etc. You already said he doesn’t get up with the children.

Does your relationship feel equal and like a partnership/team?

I’d be considering leaving tbh. Would you both consider councelling?

You only have one shot at life, is this how you want it to be?

I had this with an ex, he became obsessed with cuckhold porn and I had to talk about how I'd fucked loads of other men (which I hadn't) to get him off. It escalated to him trying to get me to sleep with his drug dealer. Don't destroy your self worth and sacrifice your own pleasure by staying with this man, it won't get better.

Mine’s like a reverse, I secretly love a little anal (only a minute or two) but need to be turned on enough for it to become a part of real life sex. With my sex pest we never had it & it was never mentioned. Not all men want anal, heaps do but some don’t.

When we ended up having sex it was fairly perfunctionary.

You only really have 2 options if you want to be happy.

1. Leave
2. Sit him down to talk about it again, but tell him that this situation has become unbearable and if steps are not taken to fix it then the marriage is not going to survive, it will get worse and worse with years of misery until you split eventually.

Of course option 2 won't work unless he takes you seriously and commits to try to address the problems, in that case your only option is to leave!

@nocluewhattodoo I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

*Why dont you try mixing it up OP...

Get a sexy number and light some candles - seduce him.

If you want something different from him be vocal in the moment... not outside of the moment .. i think this works very well and i think you will be suprised at the difference this tactic can make!

Wishing you the best...*

Ahahaaaaaaa! Hilarious

My ex pestered for sex. He became moody if I didn't give it to him. The only way to get him out of his mood was to have sex with him. This escalated, and got worse and worse. It got to a point where he would take it out on his daughter by shouting at her, he would be unkind to me, and violent to objects around the house. Again, I had sex with him to keep him quiet and to protect his daughter from his anger. He eventually just had sex with me regardless. I would just lay there and cry. Men like this are not worth your worry. I genuinely believe you can't change men like this.

@sadiesnakes worrying right..!

@ChocolateSiany big hugs. I hope you've had someone to talk to about that experience and I'm glad you're now away from that abuse.

OP this man's only sexual style is wanking while you talk dirty about stuff that you don't want to talk about. That is barely having sex let alone any idea of making love. And the grabbing at you inappropriately sounds more like he is trying to convince himself that he is up for sex (when he clearly isn't) and his moodiness is him punishing you for his sexual dysfunction. He has a very long way to go before he is able to be a decent sexual partner (or any kind of partner).