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Original poster

Cheating husband angry about divorce

20 replies

Mac1812 · 13/11/2019 22:43

I have been with my husband for a total of 23 years, married for 13 and we have 3 children. He left earlier this year after meeting a younger woman whilst on a lads ski trip. He has tried to come back 3 times, I say no so he flies his new partner back over. Then kids don’t see him for a few weeks, then he thinks made massive mistake and tries to come back. The cycle is always the same and the kids can even predict it now. I am largely over it now and would never have him back and started divorce proceedings awhile ago. My question is why is he so angry with me. He is being really difficult about divorce and finances and is furious when I choose my solicitor advice over his. He has spent literally thousands on his affair, in excess of 30k, but is spiteful and bitter when it comes to giving me money. I am utterly bewildered, when he first left, it was all you can half of everything blah blah. But now he seems furious that that’s exactly what I’m entitled to.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/11/2019 22:47

Who gives a shit what the cheating bastard thinks? I wouldn't waste a single second worrying about it. Get your divorce and look forward to a better future.

Howaboutnoooo · 13/11/2019 22:48

He most likely arrogantly thought that you couldn’t go on without him, and that hurts his precious ego. It’s all about him.

Interestedwoman · 13/11/2019 22:48

He's pissed off that he can't control you as easily anymore. When it was him saying that you could have 50%, that was still in his hands to decide to him. Now it's not his choice, he resents it. Same goes for all the other stuff. xx

rvby · 13/11/2019 22:52

So sorry OP.

You've got to bear in mind that so many men have absolutely no understanding of their own emotions and reactions. They literally just "do" things and get angry and act like toddlers without understanding their own motivations...

I would assume that this guy is just hating the change he has brought into his own life, is used to you picking up the emotional pieces for him, doing what he demands, and is experiencing blind rage as a result of that change. He may be unable to cope with the frustration of you not doing what he wants.

So he's lashing out like a toddler, basically. Men typically can't cope with much, emotionally. I know I know, NAMALT, but it's true of so many and espeically men who were in long marriages where the wife did a lot of emotional caretaking / shielding.

He is also likely to have that misogynist streak where he's frustrated that he has to "pay for a service he's not using" (a wife).

It doesn't excuse it but for me, seeing it that way helped me keep emotional distance from my ex while we were splitting. It kept me sane.

He'll get over it and move on. Try to limit your contact with him.

Sally2791 · 13/11/2019 22:58

rvby- that makes so much sense! I’ve been turning myself inside out for years trying to work out why they do/think/say things, and actually they haven’t a clue.

AgentJohnson · 14/11/2019 08:27

Trying to understand the thought process of a selfish man is futile.

Sotiredofthislife · 14/11/2019 08:51

He most likely arrogantly thought that you couldn’t go on without him, and that hurts his precious ego. It’s all about him

This. 12 years on, I think my ex can’t quite believe that I am still alive and functioning. He honestly believed that he did everything, earned everything, managed the children, the house etc and seemed to think I would be unable to manage without him. That I hold down a full time job, do additional part time jobs, manage 3 children, pay for everything (he’s self employed so no maintenance), have a life, study etc. etc all goes over his head. He still tells the children I’m a lazy bitch and can’t cope without him. As they have grown, let’s just say they know which side their bread is buttered and who the lazy, bitter one is !

hellsbellsmelons · 14/11/2019 10:54

What a dick OP!
They all promise the world in the beginning when they are in their guilt phase.
This soon fades though, which is why it's always best to get to a solicitor sooner and get things underway.
He's angry because he thought he could get away with it all.
Have a nice affair and then you would be waiting for him with open arms.
He was expecting you to do the 'pick me' dance.
And you didn't.
That's made him angry.
It's put a huge dent in his ego.
How dare you not be fighting for him. He is such a catch!!!!
He's a prick - just keep going with the divorce.
Let the solicitor sort it all out.
Keep a track of everything he is spending on OW.
Just don't liaise with him unless you really have to.
Make it totally about the kids.
You don't discuss money with him at all.
If he starts - 'I've no idea. It's with my solicitor, you'll have to sort it with them'
Well done OP!

HollowTalk · 14/11/2019 11:06

He's spending to impress her, isn't he? And when he feels insecure he thinks he'll come back to you, knowing that you loved him, then when you reject him he throws money at her to regain her interest.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2019 11:29

Google 'Grey rock' technique.

Who cares why he's angry? Your solicitor will help you get what you're entitled do. Tough shit if he doesn't like it.

cacklingmags · 14/11/2019 20:31

Take him for every penny OP. He is a cunt. Have a great life without him.

ScreamingLadySutch · 14/11/2019 20:42

What does NAMALT mean?

Its weird, isn't it OP. They don't won't to get divorced, but they don't stop seeing the OW and treating their wife like dirt.

It is madness.

SevenStones · 14/11/2019 20:46

Not All Men Are Like That, @ScreamingLadySutch

justilou1 · 14/11/2019 20:50

You are not following HIS script, OP... why haven’t you completely unraveled without him? When are you going to come to your senses and realize that you can’t manage without him, and that your life is so much more fulfilled and exciting when you have his socks and undies to pick up and wash, and him snoring on the couch and grunting at you when you are requiring a response to a simple question or your kids need anything reasonable? Don’t you know you NEEEEEEEEEEED him?

Needhelp101 · 14/11/2019 21:51

Chump Lady explains this really well www.chumplady.com

Fightingmycorner2019 · 14/11/2019 21:55

He is just an entitled cunt who is showing his true colours
Plough on OP , plough On

He probably realises he has ducked up but is too emotionally incontinent so he channels it to unfair anger against you

Closetbeanmuncher · 14/11/2019 23:02

My question is why is he so angry with me?

Because he's a feckless brat who is has just been introduced to consequences.

As others have said grey rock, dig your heels in and fight for your financial entitlement.

Chin up OP and stick it to the fucking imbacile.

ScreamingLadySutch · 17/11/2019 15:36

Thanks, @SevenStones!

FizzyGreenWater · 17/11/2019 16:18

He was in charge.

Now he isn't.

And he doesn't like it. Especially when he would now choose different - but he doesn't get to be the one choosing any more.

Get what you're entitled to and stop listening to a word he says.

kitchensinkdrama19 · 17/11/2019 16:24

This is my father to a T. He angry because you're the one stopping him have all his cake. Be strong. He's a shit. Your children will and respect you more. Yes it will be shit for a few years but what comes is always better than what came before!

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