It's over

[bobisbored]

Today I told my DH i didn't want to be with him anymore. We have 3 DCs between us. 1 each and 1 together, all live with us. I don't earn a lot. I can't afford to stay in our home and I don't know how or where I will live.
It wouldn't have been a shock to him, things have been horrible for a while. He has poor mental health which impacts on everyone, he's angry a lot, he drinks too much. We don't sleep together. We argue a lot. It's pretty toxic and a terrible example of how a normal relationship should be. I know I have to end this and I hope I am strong enough to see it through. This is my second failed marriage and I don't know if I can go through it again. I'm just so scared.

Don't count up your failed marriages. Think of them separately. It's not your fault he drinks and is toxic.

Is the house rented? Or owned? You're doing the right thing.

That was a really brave thing to do. You should be proud of yourself for that.

The house is mortgaged although we have a decent amount of equity. The problem is I don't earn enough to get a big enough mortgage on my own to buy somewhere else, even with a good deposit. I don't want that money to be swallowed up with rent and then I'll be left with nothing. He had a good job and will easily be able to afford another place. I can go to my mums but not long term. I suppose I am pretty fortunate to have options at least.

I don't feel brave. I feel guilty, scared and weirdly euphoric in equal measure!

Hi OP
Look into shared ownership as an option between owning and renting. If you get a pay rise or meet someone new you can buy it out later.

I did it and the other month bought the remainder of the shares.

No need to throw money at "just renting".

Has there been any abuse do you think? You could apply for an Occupation Order if there has. Read this,. www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-occupation

It's important to remember that "Domestic Violence": is also Coercive Control.

Coercive control is when a person with whom you are personally connected, repeatedly behaves in a way which makes you feel controlled, dependent, isolated or scared.

Do you feel any of those things due to your partner's behaviour towards you?

The following types of behaviour are common examples of coercive control:

isolating you from your friends and family
controlling how much money you have and how you spend it
monitoring your activities and your movements
repeatedly putting you down, calling you names or telling you that you are worthless
threatening to harm or kill you or your child
threatening to publish information about you or to report you to the police or the authorities
damaging your property or household goods
forcing you to take part in criminal activity or child abuse